Friday, August 3, 2012

August 3: Things You Shouldn't Do While Blogging

There are many things you shouldn't do while blogging.  Top of my list at the moment is watching the Olympics.  I have had my laptop in front of me for the past hour, and I have typed nothing, zero, zilch.  All I had up to a few seconds ago was just the blinking cursor.

Another thing you shouldn't do while blogging is eating Cheetos.  It makes for orange fingers, orange keys, and orange computers.  Cheetos and any kind of electronic device involving software just don't mix.

Going to the bathroom.  Let's just leave it at that.

Taking a shower.  Generally, whatever you are doing in the shower doesn't belong in a blog post.  Plus, like Cheetos, water and computers do not mix.

Drinking alcohol.  Some people may argue with me on this one.  However, drunk blogging is like drunk dialing.  You will post something embarrassing, possibly even a compromising picture of yourself.  Whether deleted later or not, a drunk blog post is a mistake.

Watching TV in general.  My current distraction is the Olympics.  However, even if the TV is tuned to something you don't even like (Bill O'Reilly say), you will watch the TV and not type anything.  Keep the TV turned off.

Cooking.  This is not a hard-and-fast rule for every blogger.  Just for myself.  If I blogged and cooked at the same time, something is going to burn, boil over, or explode.  I would probably end up microwaving my iPad.

Having sex.  Of course, this depends upon the kind of blog you are writing.  Nuff said.

(OK, now I'm watching diving in the Olympics.  I'm not even that interested in diving.  I am totally pathetic.)

Last thing I want to warn fellow bloggers not to do while blogging:  having quality time with your significant other.  Your significant other will insist on reading your blog post when you are done, and when he or she discovers you have been writing about the Olympics or cleaning up dog crap in the backyard, you will end up in the doghouse yourself.

That is the extent of Saint Marty's wisdom this evening.  Now, he's going to go eat some Cheetos, cook some Ramen noodles, go to the bathroom, have sex with his wife, and watch Michael Phelps swim.  Not in that order, necessarily.

Even this idiot can distract you!

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