December 28: Bad News, No Windows

My wife got some bad news this morning.  She's been waiting to hear about a permanent job as a teacher's aide in a preschool classroom.  She spent almost all of December subbing with these kids, and she thought she'd bonded with them.  My wife called the office this morning to see if the organization had made the decision about who was going to be hired permanently.  The decision was made, and it wasn't my wife.

My wife was crying on the phone, and I found myself getting really angry.  And worried.  As a family, we've been struggling for a while.  This job could have really made a difference.  A few extra hundred dollars a month would have allowed us to start saving money again, instead of constantly draining our bank account.  Since my wife's unemployment ran out, we've had one bad thing after another happen to us, financially.  It's pretty much sucked.  Even the thought of my wife earning some extra income was allowing me to sleep easier at night.  Now it's back to tossing and turning.

Some people would say, in circumstances like this, "God never closes a door without opening a window."  I'm here to tell you that little piece of wisdom is a load of shit.  I've been looking for a window for the past several months, and all I've found are more closed doors.  My wife's news this morning was just the latest in the series of doors that have slammed shut in our faces.  My nose has splinters in it.

Yes, I'm giving into discouragement.  I'm pissed and frightened.  Things need to start looking up soon.  If not, in a few months, I might not be able to make house payments or car payments.

Saint Marty has his hand on the panic button.

Care to join me in my anxiety?