November 29: Worries, Trust, and Faith



Me and my crap

 For the last few weeks, I've been struggling with some worries.  They're the kind of worries that keep me up at night and immediately pop into my head when I wake up.  I carry them around like some horrible second head or invisible child.  I feed them all day, a constant supply of "what ifs" and "why nots."  The worries gobble these snacks right up, and then they come back even hungrier.

I really don't want to get into details.  Many of these worries have to do with financial stresses, which have become very acute over the last few months.  Some of them have to do with one of my jobs.  And some of them have to do with being tired all the time.

I wish I could see an end to these worries.  I know, as a Christian, I should somehow trust that God is looking out for me and my family.  I know, when a bill is coming due and I don't have the money to pay it, that I should believe in the goodness of God.  I've heard enough stories of surprise checks and forgotten stashes of twenty dollar bills miraculously appearing to save the day.

However, my faith fails me at times like this.  I give into the worries, let them plague me like a bad case of impetigo.  Right now, I feel like I'm one weeping sore.  I'm sick.  I'm tired.  I'm cranky.  And I'm worried.  Sorry this post isn't more uplifting. 

This is Saint Marty, warts and all.