Those are the last two sentences in The Catcher in the Rye. I find a lot of wisdom in them. Holden, after telling the story of his breakdown, is now experiencing regret. It sort of makes sense. Speaking about an experience, describing it, digesting it, allows a person to come to terms with it. Holden is missing all of the people in the novel, from Ackley to Jane, because he's finally dealing with the losses in his life.
I've had a really good couple of days. The trip to Curtis, Michigan, and the poetry reading were really good for my state of mind. I got away from my day-to-day stresses, and, for a little over 24 hours, I got to be a full-time poet/teacher. I was around people who wanted to listen to me. I was with writer friends who treated me like a peer. It was good medicine.
I checked my e-mail before I sat down to write this post. I got some bad news. I applied for a job at the university. It wasn't full-time, but it was an exciting opportunity. And the salary was great. It would have lessened the burden of having my hours reduced at the medical office. Well, the job is no longer available. In fact, the job simply doesn't exist. It's not going to be filled.
The good part about this news is that I told very few people about the job. I didn't "tell anybody anything," as Holden says. Only a few family members and friends know I applied. Therefore, I don't have to explain what happened to a large group. When my wife gets home tonight, I'm going to have to tell her. That will be one of the hardest parts.
The other hardest part will be not having anything to look forward to this coming fall. My coworker in the medical office is quitting. That means all the business office duties will be falling on my shoulders. Everything. And I will have to do it all with reduced hours. Less money, more work. I'm trying to not feel sorry for myself at the moment, and I'm not succeeding.
So, I'm going to end this post with a prayer over blessings. It will be my prayer of the week, and I hope it will remind me of all the good things that I've experienced over the last couple of days. I certainly hope it won't make me start missing everybody, like Holden at the end of Catcher.
Dear Big Guy in Charge of Blessings,
Thanks for all the wonderful people I met in the last day or so. Thanks for my writer friends, Jen Howard and Sue Harrison. Thanks for the people in Curtis, Michigan, who arranged the reading. Thanks for the great night at the Chamberlin's Ole Forest Inn, for the food, the drinks, the warm, comfortable bed.
Thanks for the hug and kiss my son gave me when I got home. Thanks for my wife saying, "I'm so glad you're home. I really missed you." Thanks for the mozzarella-and-bacon quiche we had for dinner tonight. And now, thanks for my quiet house.
I'm holding all these blessings in my heart tonight, trying to stave off disappointment. Help me to remember the goodness this week, and when I start backsliding into worry, lift my eyes upward. To light. To hope. To blessings.
Your child,
Saint Marty
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| Finding peace in Curtis, Michigan |
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