June 20: Sometimes I Can Be an Asshole

I know it's hard to believe, but sometimes I can be a not very nice person.  I can be catty, mean, and bitchy.  Basically, I'm Simon Cowell without the millions of dollars or talent shows to broadcast my meanness on.

I did something mean today that I'm not very proud of, and now I have to do something I find very difficult:  apologize.  That's why I try to be nice all the time, because saying "I'm sorry" is very difficult for me.  I'm thinking a card and some chocolate.  That would work for me.  In the card, I'm going to have to really suck socks, as a friend of mine says.

I wonder about the best way to apologize.  I mean, imagine if Judas got to apologize to Jesus, or Amanda Bynes got to apologize to, well, everybody.  A simple, heartfelt, "I'm sorry" doesn't seem to cut it.  Nowadays, an apology must somehow be more expressive, more thoughtful.  Flowers are nice.  Chocolate?  Money?  A trip to Vegas?

I know what I could do that would be really tough for me.  I could write a poem of apology.  That would be pretty humbling, and it might be what I have to do.  God put that idea in my head, and I know it's going to fester there like an infected cut.

Fine, I'll write a poem.  Now I have to come up with a title.

How about "Saint Marty's Sorry for Being an Asshole"?

I gotta be better than this guy, don't I?