Holden's little sister, Phoebe, believes she can create fever in herself. Her friend, Alice, has shown her a fail-proof method, involving breath-holding and leg-crossing and visions of heat. It's something a second grader would naturally have faith in. Like Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy.
Some people would compare faith in God to faith in figures like Santa and the Easter Bunny. I think there's a huge difference, however. With Santa, kids send the big guy a letter at Christmas time, telling him all about their most fervent wishes--Red Ryder BB Guns and the like. Santa brings things. Toys. Clothes. Sometimes trips. Books. The Easter Bunny is the same way. Chocolate rabbits. Peeps. Marshmallow bunnies. Instant, sweet gratification.
God doesn't work like that. God asks for faith and trust. If something bad happens (like losing hours at work, overdue water bills, a lump in a breast), God doesn't promise new jobs or envelopes full of money or good diagnoses. No, God promises strength and courage and, occasionally, an unexpected blessing. It's the difference between Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. On Christmas Eve, we lie awake, imagining all the goodness that will come in the morning. We have hope and expectation. That's God. Christmas morning brings opened presents and broken toys and iPhones to set-up. That's Santa. We try to make our own happiness with things we buy and receive.
So, what I'm trying to say here is that, sometimes, praying is all about giving up control. In truth, control doesn't really belong to anyone. It's a fantasy. The big things in life--health, good jobs, kids, happiness--can't really be bought at Walmart on Black Friday. They're not ours at all. They're gifts from you-know-Who (and it ain't the fat guy in red).
Today, I'm going to practice letting go.
Dear God,
Hi, it's me again. How's Your Son doing? Did He recover yet from the crucifixion thing? I sure hope so.
Well, You already know what a crappy weekend I've had. Bad news followed by more bad news. (By the way, did You really have to raise our house insurance that much because of our old roof?) I'm trying to hang on to hope and faith. I need to believe that things are going to work out for me and my family. I need to let all my worries go, give them up to You.
That's tough for me to do. I'm kind of a control freak. You already know that. You made me this way. I don't deal well with uncertainty. I like to know what I'm having for dinner when I wake up in the morning. I already have plans for my birthday this year, and it's in October. That's me.
God, give me faith. Help me to trust. Let me feel the peace of Your guidance in my life. I'm waiting for Your sign. A phone call would be nice. Maybe a well-worded email. Anything. Throw me a bone.
I'm waiting and willing to surrender (like I have any choice in the matter).
Your loving child,
Saint Marty
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| I'd better take this call... |
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