June 28: Backasswards, Doing Things in Reverse, Fairy Tale

"God damn it."  He was sore as hell.  He was really furious.  "You always do everything backasswards."  He looked at me.  "No wonder you're flunking the hell out of here," he said.  "You don't do one damn thing the way you're supposed to.  I mean it.  Not one damn thing."

Stradlater's angry with Holden.  Holden wrote an essay for Stradlater, but Holden didn't follow the rubric for the essay.  Let's set aside the fact that Stradlater is using Holden to cheat and focus on the fact that Stradlater is pretty much correct in his character assessment of Holden.  Holden doesn't like following the rules.  He prefers to make up the rules himself.


My whole day has felt a little backasswards.  It's my second Friday of not working, and I still feel a little out of sorts.  Actually, a lot out of sorts.  I cleaned my house when I got up this morning.  Usually, I do this cleaning in the afternoon.  Then I went for a run--usually another afternoon task.  Now, it's early evening, and I just finished reading my devotions and saying my prayers.  Now, I'm typing my first post of the day, which is a morning thing for me.  I hate this inverted Friday.  Perhaps I'll get used to it, but it's kind of hard to get over thirteen-plus years of the same Friday schedule.

However, I'm going to write a fairy tale today.  I'm not throwing all the rules out the window, like Holden.  I can't.  I like rules and ritual.  They keep me calm.

Once upon a time, a man named Oatho lived in a rainy kingdom called Lukedife where everybody followed the rules.  There were rules for everything.  When to get up in the morning.  When to eat breakfast.  When to go to the bathroom.  When to go to work.  If somebody broke one of these rules, that person was immediately deported to the neighboring land of Enema, where nobody followed the rules.

Oatho was a good citizen of Lukedife.  He got up at the correct time.  He ate at the correct time.  He even brushed his teeth the correct number of times.  He never broke the law.  Yet, one morning, he received a scroll from the Department of Rules.  The scroll said,

Citizen Oatho:

You have been accused of going to the bathroom five minutes too soon on five separate occasions.  Therefore, your citizenship to Lukedife is being revoked.  Please pack up your belongings.  You have four hours to report to the Department of Rules for immediate deportation to the Kingdom of Enema.

Have a good day,

Minister of Lukedife Rules

Oatho packed up the hut where he'd lived for the past fifteen years.  That afternoon, he left Lukedife and was never seen again.

Moral of the story:  go to the bathroom frequently to avoid urinary tract infections.

And Saint Marty lived happily ever after.

Somethings are better backasswards