September 16: Meditation on Control

I like to pretend that I'm in control of my life.  I decide when to get up in the morning, what to wear, how to teach my class, whether to complete a project at the medical office.  I decide on sausage or eggs for breakfast, cheese or turkey for lunch, maybe a hot dog for dinner.  All these things seem like they're in my realm of control.

I have a confession to make:  I am not in control of anything.

I'm certainly not in control of my jobs.  I could show up tomorrow at the medical office and find it locked and dark.  I may have classes to teach this semester, but that doesn't mean I'm going to be offered a contract next semester.  Any number of fortunes or misfortunes could come my way.

Control is an illusion.  A human construct.  Control is why the Egyptians built the pyramids.  Control is why the world has the Great Wall of China.  Those two things are monuments to humankind's desperate hunger for control.

Funny thing is, control makes me miserable, because nothing turns out the way I plan.  All the illusion of control does is give me headaches, low blood sugars, and acid reflux.

Saint Marty has control of only one thing at this moment:  how to end this

Someone had control issues in China...