October 3: Went to Church, Walked About, Spiritual Awakening

He went to church, and walked about the streets, and watched the people hurrying to and fro, and patted children on the head, and questioned beggars, and looked down into the kitchens of houses, and up to the windows; and found that everything could yield him pleasure.

Scrooge doesn't step foot in a church until the end of the novel.  At the beginning of the book, there's a church that's described in fairly sinister terms, its bell "struck the hours and quarters in the clouds, with tremulous vibration afterwards as if its teeth were chattering in it frozen head up there."    The journey Scrooge goes on during the course of the narrative is a spiritual one in many ways.  He's surrounded by spirits.  Marley.  The Ghosts of Christmas.  The shadows of the past, present, and future.  And, over all these other spirits, is the Spirit of the Founder of the Feast, and I ain't talking about Scrooge.  I'm talking about the real Founder of the holiday, "who made lame beggars walk and blind men see," as Tiny Tim says.

Scrooge, at the end of his journey of redemption, ends up in church.  No big surprise.  It is a Christmas story.  He has been searching his whole life for some sort of happiness.  Money hasn't brought it to him.  Property hasn't brought it to him.  He doesn't have any friends.  He rejects his one living blood relative, his nephew Fred.  There's a really big hole in his life that he simply can't fill.  It's what a friend mine calls a "God-sized hole."

I find myself in much the same circumstance as Scrooge a lot of the time in my life.  I put my faith in things.  Jobs.  Money.  Work.  Writing.  Blogging.  I say things to myself like, "If only I made two hundred more dollars a week, I'd be able to relax and be happy" or "If only I could buy that book, I'd be happy" or "If only I could get that job, I'd be happy."  I convince myself that all of these "things" will provide me satisfaction and peace and joy.  I'm wrong, but I still try to pour my faith in "things," like Scrooge.  And it never makes me happy.  It makes me hungry for more "things."

Scrooge goes through a spiritual awakening in A Christmas Carol.  I find myself going through a spiritual awakening at the moment, as well.  This morning, I was in the middle of one of my little anxiety attacks about...Well, take your pick.  I started to pray.  I prayed all through my shower.  I prayed on my drive to work.  I prayed as I prepared for my work day.  I prayed a lot.  And for the first time in days, I find myself much more at peace.

It reminds me of the story of Jesus feeding the crowd of 5000 people with five loaves of bread and two fish.  You know, Peter and John and company didn't think it was going to be enough, but after everyone had eaten, the disciples collected what was left over.  Twelve basketfuls.  Twelve.  From five loaves (I would have liked banana bread) and two fish (probably tilapia).

I look at my five loaves and two fish, and I think, "Nope, not enough."  God looks at my five loaves and two fish and says, "Go and share some of that with your neighbors."  God always provides abundantly.  Scrooge learns that lesson.

Saint Marty learns that lesson, over and over and over and over...

Anybody hungry?