October 1: Searching for Peace in All the Wrong Places, Anxieties, "Carol" Dip Monday

I woke up this morning plagued with worries and anxieties.  This is nothing new for me.  At the start of every week, I always have a list of things to fret about.  To combat these Monday cases of angst, I say my prayers, read my devotions, and try to release my fears to God. 

Usually, the fears that bother me most are the fears I have no control over.  Job.  Money.  Health.  Whatever.  I am a control freak, and I have a difficult time turning my life over to anybody, including God.  That may sound sacrilegious, but I like being in control (or having the illusion of being in control).  I look for peace in all the wrong places in my life.  I look for peace in my bank accounts, in my employment, in my writing, in my possessions.  I look for peace in the "things" of my life.  As a Christian, I know that is a completely wrong-headed approach to my days.  However, as the old saying goes, you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink.  Or maybe it's, you can't change a leopard's spots.  Or, a zebra looks good in black and white.  My point is that I have been operating as a control freak for a majority of my adult life, and I am able to function in that mode quite nicely.

Well, it didn't help me this morning.  In the shower, as I was praying and preparing myself for the day ahead of me, I found myself getting more and more anxious.  I couldn't shake it off, no matter how hard I tried.  I kept getting increasingly worked up.  Standing under the shower head, rinsing soap from what little hair I have left, I felt the needle on my control freak gauge pushing into the red zone.  I was reaching maximum pressure.

I have no relief valve.  I can't blow off a little anxiety and move on with my day.  I am sitting at my laptop, still stewing and brewing.  I probably need to pray some more.  Read my devotions.  Find some kind of quiet center.  I don't know if I'm going to be able to do that today.  It's a strange Monday.

So, my question for Carol dip Monday is pretty simple:

Will I be able to find peace of mind this week?

And the answer from the Inimitable Chuck Dickens is:

The consequences were uproarious beyond belief; but no one seemed to care; on the contrary, the mother and daughter laughed heartily, and enjoyed it very much; and the latter, soon beginning to mingle in the sports, got pillaged by the young brigands most ruthlessly.  What would I not have given to be one of them!  Though I never could have been so rude, no, no!  I wouldn't for the wealth of all the world have crushed that braided hair, and torn it down; and for the precious little shoe, I wouldn't have plucked it off, God bless my soul! to save my life...I should have liked, I do confess, to have had the lightest license of a child, and yet been man enough to know its value.

Well, there you have it.  A scene of uncontrolled, joyful chaos.  Scrooge observing his former fiance interacting with her brood of children.

Some joy is coming Saint Marty's way.  Thank the Lord.

Look out!  I'm gonna blow!