January 27: Fearing the World, Belle, Trust

"You fear the world too much," she answered, gently.  "All your other hopes have merged into the hope of being beyond the chance of its sordid reproach.  I have seen your nobler aspirations fall one by one, until the master-passion, Gain, engrosses you.  Have I not?"

This is Belle, Scrooge's one-time fiancee, explaining to a young Scrooge why she has decided to break off their engagement.  Scrooge has become the pupa of his future self.  He's not entirely the squeezing, wrenching, grasping, scraping, clutching,covetous , old sinner yet.  Belle, however, sees the direction Scrooge is headed, and she doesn't want to have anything to do with it.

I fear the world.  A lot.  I fear bills.  I fear job uncertainty.  I fear possible car repairs.  I fear possible flat tires.  I fear my laptop crashing.  I fear dropping George (my iPad) and breaking his screen.  I fear more mice getting into my house.  I fear my son being deaf (he failed a hearing test at school).  I fear a fire starting in my house because somebody didn't unplug the toaster.  I fear having a heart attack at a young age (my brother had a major heart attack before he was 50).  I fear diabetic retinopathy, going blind.

Basically, I'm just one big, neurotic bundle of fears.



What Scrooge missed out on

 Belle's little reprimand hits pretty close to home with me.  Living in fear, always preparing for the next disaster, is really not a great way to live.  In fact, it's not living at all.  That's what she's saying to the young Scrooge.  The way Scrooge combats his fears is by becoming rich and stingy.  I guess Scrooge thinks that a great deal of money equals security and safety.  Of course, because he subscribes to this belief, Scrooge misses out on a lot of things, not the least of which is a life with Belle and children of his own.

I could easily let fear run my life.  Sometimes, I do let fear run my life.  Ask my wife.  I need to think about Belle's little speech in instances when I feel fear taking the reins in my head.  I need to think of all the things I would have missed if I had let fear make my decisions.  I wouldn't be married.  I wouldn't have a beautiful daughter.  I wouldn't have a joyful son.  I wouldn't have published a book of poems.  Basically, I would just be a candidate for the show Hoarders.

I'm trying not to let Gain be my master-passion.  I'm trying not to let Fear be my life coach.  It ain't easy.  That's why I have a wife.  Children.  Friends.  Family.  To remind me about what's really important.

Saint Marty just needs to remember this:  the person who dies with the most stuff, still dies.