OK, Holden is a little harsh on the crowd at Ernie's, a New York piano bar. But he's a little harsh on just about everyone in Catcher. Holden doesn't find a whole lot of redeeming qualities in the human race. Well, not the whole human race. Only members of the human race above the age of eight or nine.
I understand Holden's feelings. There's nothing false in young kids. When they try to lie, they aren't very good at it. My son, who's five, can't lie well. Don't get me wrong. He tries to lie to get himself out of trouble all the time, but he's about as believable as George W. Bush talking about weapons of mass destruction.
Adults, on the other hand, have had plenty of practice at being jerks. Tomorrow, I have to go to church for the first time after finding out on Friday that they've ostensibly fired me. I'm supposed to smile. I'm supposed to sing and play the keyboard. I'm supposed to be all Christian toward everyone. That's going to be tough.
I'm not going to go as far as Holden. Not all the people at church are jerks. However, there's a severe trust factor that's lacking in my heart at the moment. I'm not sure who's my friend. My wife said this afternoon, "It feels like the whole church has turned its back on us." That about sums it up.
I've been working on my Christmas poem all day long. There's not a lot of yuletide spirit in me at the moment. I've got about three or four really bad starts. I'm going to try to write a little more tonight, and then I'll work on it all day tomorrow. It will get done. I know it will. Perhaps I'll write during the worship service. That might bring me a little peace of mind.
I'm praying. A lot. For forgiveness and acceptance. For love.
Saint Marty can't quite get there. Maybe he will some day. It won't be tomorrow.
Confessions of Saint Marty
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