December 10: "Little Shirley Beans," Gifts, Christmas Prayer

...I was lucky.  The first record store I went into had a copy of "Little Shirley Beans."  They charged me five bucks for it, because it was so hard to get, but I didn't care.  Boy, it made me so happy all of a sudden.  I could hardly wait to get to the park to see if old Phoebe was around so that I could give it to her.

Holden can't wait to give his little sister, Phoebe, the present he bought her.  It's a silly record he thinks she'll like.  It's not a birthday present.  It's not a Christmas present, even though the book takes place a few days before Christmas day.  No, there really isn't a reason why Holden wants to give Phoebe a present.  He just finds something she'll like, and he buys it.


We are in full gift shopping season now.  The countdown has begun.  Fifteen more shopping days until Christmas.  A coworker at the medical office asked me this morning, "So, do you have all your Christmas shopping done?'

"Well," I said, "it's kind of hard to shop when I don't have any money to buy gifts with."

"Well," my friend said, laughing, "then you are done shopping."

I felt embarrassed and angry.  "Well, it kind of sucks not being able to get your kids things they want.  It sucks having to go to the Salvation Army to get your kids' Christmas presents."

For the first time in my life, I'm not looking forward to Christmas.  Christmas, this year, is something to endure.  I'm looking forward to December 26, when it's all over.  No more gifts to buy.  No more people to disappoint.  I'll just be able to get back to my normal financial worries.

I wish I could look forward to the choirs, music, cookies, eggnog, but I can't.  I can't even look forward to the church services because of some rather un-Christian decisions that have recently been made there.  I'm not feeling very Christmasy at all.  I haven't said "bah humbug" to anybody, but the thought has crossed my mind.

Christmas, Christmas everywhere, and I don't want to have anything to do with it.

Dear God,

I'm sorry for not having any Christmas spirit.  I know I'm supposed to feel charitable and blessed this time of year.  I'm having a really hard time getting to that place.  I'm just going through the motions.  I wouldn't care is Christmas was cancelled.

Somehow, I'm hoping You will fill me with some yuletide joy.  Or at least some yuletide acceptance.  There are only 14 days until Christmas Eve.  Two weeks.  Maybe I need a visit from some ghost of Christmas to snap out of this mood.  The Ghost of Christmas White Fudge-covered Oreo might do the trick.

I want to get excited about the holidays, but I can't afford it.  Help me, God.  Please.

Your loving Scrooge,

Saint Marty

It would be my luck this is my Christmas ghost