July 27: Holding On to Anger

I need to get moving right now.  I have grocery shopping to do.  My daughter is going to summer camp next week, so I have a whole bunch of items to purchase for her. She's really excited, but I always have a difficult time letting her go.  It's a daddy's-little-girl thing.  I can't really admit the fact that she's getting older.

I would like to reflect a little on anger in this post.  I've been thinking a lot about a person I've held a grudge against for a very long time.  I tend to hold on to past slights like a housewife holds on to her copy of Fifty Shades of Grey.  I don't let go.  It's a trait I think I inherited from my father.  I had a creative writing instructor in college who was incredibly nasty to me.  She was so mean that I couldn't write anything for close to a year after I took her class.  She was that mean, and I have never forgiven her for close to twenty years.

I know it's not healthy to hold on to anger that long.  Chances are, that writing professor doesn't even remember me.  If I were smart, I'd say a prayer for her, forgive her, and then move on, hoping that she comes down with a case of permanent writer's constipation.  I know, I know.  That's not quite releasing my anger, but I just can't stand this person.  And, of course, because I refuse to forgive her, she still holds a certain power over me.  That power can still make me feel like an uncertain grad student.

I know all this in my rational mind.  In my irrational mind, I just want this woman to step into a busy intersection and get clipped by a speeding bus.

Thus, my word of wisdom for today has to do with anger:

Hold on to your anger.  It helps you remember who the assholes in your life are.

Saint Marty still has some work to do on forgiveness.

Buddha never had my writing professor as a teacher!