May 11: Shadows, Past, Dreaming Big

"I told you these were shadows of the things that have been," said the Ghost.  "That they are what they are, do not blame me!"

Scrooge, at this point in the novel, gets angry with the Ghost of Christmas Past.  The Ghost has shown him some pretty painful scenes, and he doesn't want to see any more.  The past is overwhelming Scrooge.  His regrets are piling up, and he simply can't stand the thought of all his lost opportunities.  The Ghost is forcing Scrooge to accept responsibility for his choices.

Of course, accepting responsibility for your choices is something everyone has to do.  We all have regrets.  That's part of being human.  Scrooge is being tortured by the "what ifs" of his life.  The shadows of his past.  What if he had pursued Belle, gotten married, had children?  What if his life had followed that trajectory?  I could make a list of "what ifs" that could be its own blog.  I don't necessarily think reflecting on "what ifs" is a bad thing.  As the old saying goes, if you don't learn from your mistakes, you're doomed to repeat them.  Or something like that.

There are a few ages in my life I wouldn't mind doing over.  If I had a choice, I would go back and finish my computer science degree.  I would also go back and finish my PhD.  I would have a couple more kids if I were younger.  I would also hunt down Mark Zuckerberg at Harvard and invest in Facebook, and I would try to befriend Steve Jobs.  Pixar.  I'd buy stock in Pixar.  It's all 20/20 hindsight.

I could drive myself crazy with all the should-haves and do-overs.  For the most part, though, I'm happy where I am.  (Not ecstatic, just happy.  Satisfied.  There's always room for improvement.)  For this summer, I have big plans for what I want to accomplish.  I want to finish a good portion of my memoir I started during Lent.  I have an idea for a new collection of poems (even though I haven't found a publisher for my last collection yet).  I know I'm setting myself up for feeling like a failure come August.  I do it every year, but I believe in dreaming big.

I just have to teach myself to lighten up when I don't make those dreams come true.  If I don't, I'm going to end up just like Scrooge, only without money.  Instead of cash, what I'll have piled up is a whole bunch of regrets.

Saint Marty is still going to dream big.  He'll take dreams over disappointments any day.

Dream big and wear SPF!