Christians are supposed to think about their brothers and sisters, care about their lives, be kind, yadda, yadda, yadda. Working in a medical office, I have to care (or pretend to care) about people all day. As a college professor, I have to care (or pretend to care) about my students all day. I have to care about coworkers. I have to care about people's lives and always be sensitive to their needs. If I don't do these things, I experience a great deal of anxiety and guilt. That's the way I was brought up. Call it codependency. Call it unhealthy. Call it Christianity. Call it whatever you want.
This morning, I want to just say, "Fuck everything." I'm taking next Tuesday off for my daughter's first day of school. There are two other people at work who need the day off, as well, to see kids/grandkids off to school. My coworker in the business office wasn't aware I was taking the time off, even though it's been on the vacation calendar since January. I know I should have talked to her about it/made her aware of it. However, my boss has always covered for me in the past, and I just didn't think about it. People are bent out of shape about the whole thing. My attitude right now is to not really care about anyone else. I know that's not healthy, kind, or Christian. But it's the way I feel.
I'm struggling right now, and I don't know why. I usually care a great deal about other people. But today, I just want other people to go away. It's a selfish attitude. I need to get past it. Or I need to do what my therapist advises me to do in these situations: fake it 'til I make it.
Saint Marty's going to be faking it a lot today.
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| This says it all... |
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