January 6: Closure--Not So Much

So, I'm trying to put the whole situation at church behind me.  I lost my job.  I can't do anything to change that fact.  While I still harbor a lot of difficult emotions, I'm trying to attain some kind of closure.

Well, it's a wound that just keeps getting torn open.  At church this Sunday, I did what I planned to do.  I practiced with the lead singer of the praise band, and I sang in the choir.  Those are two things I still enjoy doing.  My wife, visiting with some friends before the service began, mentioned the fact that she was angry with the pastor.  I believe the words she used were, "I hate Pastor X right now."  As soon as I heard her say those words, I knew it was going to get back to me.

It did.  I got an e-mail this morning from the pastor, saying that he'd heard from "someone" that I was angry with him.  He wants to meet with me.  I am soooo done talking about this topic.  I want the whole thing to go away.  Maybe the only way that's going to happen is if I simply stop going to church.

The difficult part of this whole process is that I like so many of the people at church.  They're good, dear friends.  They've helped me through some very difficult times in my life.  Yet, I also can't get past the feeling that I've been used and tossed aside by the leadership of the church.

Well, I'm going to have to meet with the pastor.  He seems fairly determined to talk with me.  I can do that, I guess.  I will be honest about my feelings.  My feelings are not something that can be disputed.  They belong to me.  After that, I will listen to what he has to say.  Maybe the Holy Spirit will provide some grace and closure.

That's what Saint Marty needs at the moment.

This is what I need...