April 4: Sadistic, Not Unkind, Express More Love

I started groping around in front of me, like a blind guy, but without getting up or anything.  I kept saying, "Mother darling, why won't you give me your hand?"  I was only horsing around, naturally.  That stuff gives me a bang sometimes.  Besides, I know it annoyed the hell out of old Ackley.  He always brought out the old sadist in me.  I was pretty sadistic with him quite often.  Finally, I quit, though.  I pulled the peak around to the back again, and relaxed.

Holden can be pretty mean, especially to people who he considers to be phony or annoying.  Ackley is guilty on both counts, and Holden takes advantage of every opportunity to bait him.  In this little passage, he's trying to get Ackley to leave his dorm room.  It doesn't work.  Besides being phony and annoying, Ackley is also incredibly obtuse.  He doesn't take Holden's hints at all.

I'm a lot like Holden in this way.  I was brought up in a house with three brothers and five sisters.  Sarcasm was like oxygen.  We teased each other mercilessly.  This upbringing has served me well as an adult.  As a child, it was all about fending off my siblings' ribbing.  As an adult, it's all about being charming and funny.  I often tell coworkers and friends, "I tease you because I love you."  And everyone laughs.

However, I am well aware of the fact that sarcasm can be very wounding at times.  There's a very fine line between being witty and being cruel.  I walk that line constantly.  In fact, some of my friends consider me to be a fairly negative person.  I'm always making fun of ridiculous and/or just plain stupid situations and people I find myself around sometimes.  And now that I've typed that sentence, I realize how callous and shallow I sound.

This morning, in my devotional, I received the following piece of advice:  "If I experience disharmony in my life; if I have difficulty getting along with others; if I can be gossipy, critical or unkind, I begin right where I am to express more of God's love toward others."  Basically, the whole meditation is about opening up my heart to love.  I read it to one of my coworkers, and she said, "Mart, I think that's spectacular advice."

So I have been trying to be nice this morning.  Or at least not unkind.  Because, as the devotion said, "As I sincerely seek to express more love, opportunities present themselves."  That means I get something out of this love experiment.  Opportunities.  Blessings.  I have no idea what these opportunities will be, but I'm open to anything that improves my lot in life.  Maybe somebody will buy me chocolate or a Diet Mountain Dew.  Maybe I'll get a poem published with a good magazine or journal.  Maybe I'll be offered a full-time job at the university.

Or maybe Saint Marty will simply go to bed tonight knowing that he's made somebody feel a little better today.

Sarcasm is soul food