February 8: "Smoke Gets in Your Eyes," Gold Ring, Falling off the Horse

"Go ahead, then--I'll be on this bench right over here.  I'll watch ya."  I went over and sat down on this bench, and she went and got on the carrousel.  She walked all around it.  I mean she walked once all the way around it.  Then she sat down on this big, brown, beat-up looking old horse.  Then the carrousel started, and I watched her go around and around.  There were about five or six other kids on the ride and the song the carrousel was playing "Smoke Gets in Your Eyes."  It was playing it very jazzy and funny.  All the kids kept trying to grab for the gold ring, and so was old Phoebe, and I was sort of afraid she'd fall off the goddam horse, but I didn't say anything or do anything.  The thing with kids is, if they want to grab for the gold ring, you have to let them do it, and not say anything.  If they fall off, they fall off, but it's bad if you say anything to them.

On old-fashioned merry-go-rounds, kids used to be able to grab for a brass or gold ring hanging outside the carrousel.  The prize for successful "grabber" was usually a free ride.  Holden doesn't like watching Phoebe compete for the gold ring.  It's a dangerous little contest.  However, he also knows that, no matter what he says, Phoebe is going to lean off her horse to capture the ring.  He simply sits and watches, hoping his little sister doesn't get hurt.

Holden's correct about kids.  Sometimes, you have to let them fall off the carrousel.  Then, you pick them up, dust them off, and give them a Kleenex to dry their tears.  That was one of the hardest lessons of parenting I've ever learned.  I can't always catch my kids if they fall of their horses.  My son and daughter will reach for the gold ring.  Sometimes they'll catch it,   Sometimes, they'll fall on their asses.  My job, as a father, is to provide the bandages and good advice, even if they don't want to hear it.  I know, when my mom or dad started a conversation with the words "And what have we learned," I just leaned out even further for whatever gold ring I wanted to grab.

My son has been reaching for gold rings since he started walking.  He climbs and kicks and runs and falls and punches.  I'm surprised he's not just one big, walking scar.  My daughter has always been a little more cautious, but she does her share of ring-grabbing now, at the age of 12.  I know she will get hurt.  Her body and heart will end up bruised and scraped quite a bit in the upcoming years.  I will be there to pick up the pieces, and possibly scare the crap out of a few teenage boys along the way.

Think of Saint Marty as Holden, sitting on the bench, holding my breath, waiting for his kids to plummet off their horses.

Whose bright idea was this gold ring thing, anyway?