Thursday, August 15, 2013

August 15: Don't Ever Tell, Missing Everybody, October Nights

...It's funny.  Don't ever tell anybody anything.  If you do, you start missing everybody.

Those are Holden's last words in The Catcher in the Rye, and they really speak to my state of mind today.

I've been very lucky in my medical office job.  I work with a person who is not just a dependable colleague, but also a close and caring friend.  Today was this friend's last day on the job.  She's quitting to stay at home with her three young daughters.  It's a great decision for her, but it leaves me friendless and coworker-less in the office.

I'm trying to avoid feeling sorry for myself, but I'm not succeeding very well.  I'm sure my attitude will improve in a few weeks.  At the moment, however, I see long days of work without breaks or help or laughter.  I have other friends in the surgical center, but nobody who understands the frustrations and stress of the business office.  And nobody who will immediately know if I need help/support/a sympathetic ear/a shoulder to cry on.

I have gotten all of these things from my friend in the past.  She's seen me through some of the darkest points of my life, when I could barely utter a coherent sentence let alone deal with patients.  She's had my back for the past five years.

So seeing her walk out the door of the office for the last time this afternoon was a little like Holden watching his sister, Phoebe, riding the carrousel at the end of Catcher.  Phoebe keeps going around and around, and Holden just sits on a bench, happy to watch her, knowing the moment is fleeting, as temporary as the heat of July.  The chill of October nights is right around the corner.

I'm feeling that chill right now.  I'm already missing my friend, and she's only been gone about four hours.  I know change is inevitable.  That doesn't mean I have to be happy about it.  I just have to sit on the bench and watch it happen.  Holden's right.  Change makes you miss people, especially people you care a great deal about.

And that's a piece of Saint Marty's mind.

What a load of crap!

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