February 2: Prostetnic Vogon Jeltz, Border Wall, Vogon Trump

The demolition of the world has begun by the Vogons . . .

A sudden silence hit the Earth.  If anything it was worse than the noise.  For a while nothing happened.

The great ships hung motionless in the sky, over every nation on Earth.  Motionless they hung, huge, heavy, steady in the sky, a blasphemy against nature.  Many people went straight into shock as their minds tried to encompass what they were looking at.  The ships hung in the sky in much the same way that bricks don't.

And still nothing happened.

Then there was a slight whisper, a sudden spacious whisper of open ambient sound.  Every hi-fi set in the world, every radio, every television, every cassette recorder, every woofer, every tweeter, every mid-range driver in the world quietly turned itself on.

Every tin can, every dustbin, every window, every car, every wineglass, every sheet of rusty metal became activated as an acoustically perfect sounding board.

Before the Earth passed away it was going to be treated to the very ultimate in sound reproduction, the greatest public address system ever built.  But there was no concert, no music, no fanfare, just a simple message.

"People of Earth, your attention, please," a voice said, and it was wonderful.  Wonderful perfect quadraphonic sound with distortion levels so low as to make a brave man weep.

"This is Prostetnic Vogon Jeltz of the Galactic Hyperspace Planning Council," the voice continued.  "As you will no doubt be aware, the plans for development of the outlying regions of the Galaxy require the building of a hyperspatial express route through your star system, and regrettably your planet is one of those scheduled for demolition.  The process will take slightly less than two of your Earth minutes.  Thank you."

The PA died away.

There you have it.  A simple little announcement that precedes the destruction of the entire planet.  Now, I know what you're thinking:  "I thought this book was supposed to be funny."  Well, it is funny, in a very British, satirical way.  Imagine a Monty Python sci-fi flick.  That's what we're talking about here.  And it completely satirizes the idea of "progress."  Sort of like the government of the United States of America marching across the continent, displacing entire populations of indigenous people.  That's what's happening in this paragraph.  Satire that hurts a little bit.  Makes you think.

You know, I've been fairly silent about the whole Trump government shutdown.  I actually DO try to avoid being political most of the time on this blog.  I intend for my posts to be funny, maybe a little thought-provoking, and entertaining.  Sometimes, however, I get a little fed-up with things in Washington, D. C.  Donald Trump and his cronies push me to the limits.  And this whole stupid wall thing, with this President thinking that it's "progress" to spend five billion dollars on a concrete partition between Mexico and the United States, seems like something right out of Monty Python.

Here are some facts (although I know Trump supporters are not big on facts):

1. Border crossing rates have gone down for the past 20 years according to U. S. Customs and Border Control, part of a long-term trend that started long before Trump took office.  (from an article by Anna Nunez)
2. A CBS poll states that 6 in 10 Americans oppose the border wall.  (from an article by Anna Nunez)
3. The wall won't stop drug smuggling.  Most drug smuggling has been through ports of entry, tunnels, joint drainage systems, and drones recently.  (from an article by Vanda Felbab-Brown)
4. The wall won't reduce homicides and violent crimes in the United States, which are primarily committed by native-born Americans.  (from an article by Vanda Felbab-Brown)
5. The wall won't help the U. S. economy or provide long-term jobs to native-born Americans.  Most undocumented workers work unpleasant, back-breaking jobs that native-born Americans don't want.  (from an article by Vanda Felbab-Brown)
6. A wall would put a terrible strain on our diplomatic relationship with Mexico, one of our closest allies and trading partners.  (from an article in The Huffington Post)

I could go on, but you get the idea.  Facts have no effect on the Vogon supporters.  Period.  They will go ahead with their demolition of the United States, no matter what.  

President Vogon will be delivering his State of the Union Address this Tuesday.  I will not be watching it.  Instead, I will work on a new poem.  Read a book.  Clean my bathroom.  Give myself an enema.  Anything besides paying attention to Vogon Trump.

Perhaps you will join Saint Marty in this boycott.

Please vote for me (Marty Achatz) for 2019/2020 Poet Laureate of the U. P. at the link below:

Voting for 2019/2020 Poet Laureate of the U. P.