Meanwhile, the natural forces on the planet Vogsphere had been working overtime to make up for their earlier blunder. They brought forth scintillating jeweled scuttling crabs, which the Vogons ate, smashing their shells with iron mallets; tall aspiring trees of breathtaking slenderness and color which the Vogons cut down and burned the crabmeat with; elegant gazellelike creatures with silken coats and dewy eyes which the Vogons would catch and sit on. They were no use as transport because their backs would snap instantly, but the Vogons sat on them anyway.
Thus the planet Vogsphere whiled away the unhappy millennia until the Vogons suddenly discovered the principles of interstellar travel. Within a few short Vog years every last Vogon had migrated to the Megabrantis cluster, the political hub of the Galaxy, and now formed the immensely powerful backbone of the Galactic Civil Service. They have attempted to acquire learning, they have attempted to acquire style and social grace, but in most respects the modern Vogon is little different from his primitive forebears. Every year they import twenty-seven thousand scintillating jeweled scuttling crabs from their native planet and while away a happy drunken night smashing them to bits with iron mallets.
Prostetnic Vogon Jeltz was a fairly typical Vogon in that he was thoroughly vile. Also, he did not like hitchhikers.
Full confession: sometimes I feel like a Vogon. What I mean by that is that, sometimes, I feel like an irresponsible 20-year-old, lacking in style and social graces. I run out of money the day that I get my paycheck. I seem to collect past due notices. Yet, I still go out to eat at McDonald's or buy a book on Amazon. I can't seem to say "no" to my kids when they ask me to buy them something.
My dream would be to be able to have saved up enough money by this time to send both of my kids to college. Have enough disposable income (whatever that is) to go on a nice vacation once a year without having to depend on the generosity of family members. If my brakes go bad, I'd like to be able to get them fixed right away instead of letting them grind for weeks (sometimes months).
I think I'm a hard worker. Never shirk my responsibilities. I have two jobs during the week. On the weekend, I play the organ at church to earn more money. Yet, I never seem to have any balances in my savings or checking accounts. It's kind of depressing, working that much without ever getting ahead. It makes me want to smash something with a Vogon iron mallet.
Yet, I have great kids. Beautiful wife. I have wonderful friends whom I cherish and love, as well. I do cool things, like perform on radio shows. People invite me places to read my poetry. I'm sitting in a warm house right now. There's food in the fridge, although things are lean this week. We'll see how many groceries we're able to buy. I'm better off than 99.999% of the people on this planet. There's no national emergency in my house.
I am blessed. More than I deserve.
Saint Marty just needs to remind himself of this fact every once in a while.
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