November 13: Saving My Complaints

I'm not going to complain this evening about my long day.  It's a situation I myself have created, out of necessity and guilt.  First, I have long days because of my jobs at the hospital and university.  While most people are still asleep, dreaming sweet dreams without care, I am on the road to my first shift at the medical office.  Then I go teach at the university.  Then I return to the medical office for a little while longer.  Tonight, I am sitting in my office at the university, and it is almost 8 p.m.  My daughter is at dance.  I want my daughter to dance.  She loves it.  I'm not complaining.

The guilt part of my long days is all of my own making.  I have to post to my blog twice a day.  It is a rule I have made for myself.  It is an arbitrary rule, but a rule, nonetheless.  By blogging, I reason with myself, I keep my writing muscles flexed.  These posts are my way of feeling like a writer, even if I have an audience of only two or three.  I still have an audience, and that audience is interested in what I write.  If I don't post twice a day, I feel guilty, as if I'm letting my faceless disciples down.  Last night, I was up until past 11 p.m. getting my blog posts done, and all I really wanted to do was climb under the covers and sleep for about three years.  However, guilt got the best of me.  I'm not complaining.

I have been living like this for several years now.  I will continue to live like this, because I like to believe that people care about what I say.  People want their daily dose of Saint Marty wisdom/insanity.  This belief, whether based in reality or fantasy, keeps me going.  Keeps my battery charged.

Saint Marty is going to let poet Bob Hicok have the last word this evening.  Hicok wrote a poem about being a poet, and Saint Marty thinks it's a fitting final punctuation to this post.

Making it in poetry

The young teller
at the credit union
asked why so many
small checks
from universities?
Because I write
poems I said.  Why
haven't I heard
of you?  Because
I write poems
I said.

This guy gets the last word