June 4: Never Getting Ahead

Sometimes it feels as though I go through my day simply waiting for the next piece of bad news to come my way.  I work hard, play the pipe organ at one church, play in a praise band at another church, teach community school classes, and always treat people well.  I paste a smile on my face every morning, and I don't scrape it off until I go to bed at night.  Yet, I never seem to get ahead.  Never.

Instead, I'm displaced from one job.  Told I'm not "good enough" to play the organ at church.  Accept a reduction in salary.  Work longer and later hours.  In the fall, I'm barely going to see my kids because I have to teach late afternoon and evening classes at the university.  I'm going to have to phone in my father duties.  And the bill collectors will still be calling my phone every day for past due notices.

If you can't tell, I'm a little pissed off tonight.  I'm tired of finishing last or second-to-last all the time.  I'm tired of being the good guy, because good guys always seem to get stepped on or taken advantage of.  (Yes, I just ended the sentence with a preposition, and I don't give a shit.)  From now on (or at least for the foreseeable future), I'm going to stop caring about other people.  I'm going to stop being happy for other people's successes because, frankly, I don't care.  I'm going to stop being nice.  Period.

There's going to be no happily ever after in this post.  Sorry.  I'm not a big believer in happily ever after right now.

Saint Marty is having trouble believing in anything tonight.

Insert jaded comment here...