The Heart of Gold spaceship and its crew are under attack from the planet surface of Magrathea. They are being pursued by missiles, and impact is imminent. Everything and everyone are about to be blown into non-existence in a mind-boggling explosion of noise and light. Arthur and company were not expecting to be annihilated by the citizens of the fabled planet. Nothing in the ancient stories of Magrathea indicated that its inhabitants were aggressive in any way. The Heart of Gold passengers, or at least Zaphod, trusted that the myth of the Magratheans--a race of aliens dedicated only to building custom-made planets for the ultra-wealthy--was completely true.
They should have known better.
This evening, I went to a presentation about fighting addictions at a local church. The speaker, a pastor sporting a Mohawk, sleeves of tattoos on his arms, and a motorcycle vest covered in Christian versions of Hells Angels patches, paced and told stories about his meth addiction participation in satanic rituals and drug dealing. And he talked about how God never gave up on him. How God pursued him for over 30 years the way a shepherd pursues a lost sheep. At the end of his talk, the pastor held up a rock and said, "We are all fearfully"--he turned the rock around to reveal its geode interior--"and wonderfully made."
It was an inspiring presentation, stirred my spirit in a way that it hasn't been stirred in a long time. I left feeling good about my life, ready to rededicate myself to prayer and hope. I had dinner with my wife and daughter, and it was good, too. No cell phones at the table. No prolonged, texting silences. It was a normal, family dinner.
The end of the night has not been so great. I discovered that something I trusted was happening wasn't happening. Now, I'm just angry, feeling betrayed. I thought that I could pay a bunch of bills this week, and I can't because of this broken trust. Somehow, I'm going to have to get past these raw emotions and try to figure out how to pay these bills coming due, including several past-due notices.
I do believe that passage from Psalm 139. I believe we are all fearfully and wonderfully made. Every person can be a geode, full of inner, sparkling light. Tonight, however, all I can see is the rocky skin. The fearfully part. It's not pretty. It's hard. Unforgiving. Angry. Selfish. It's something that can be used as a weapon.
I'm praying that I can find a beautiful geode to focus on this evening, or it's going to be a pretty sleepless night for me. I am searching for that incandescent glow in myself and the people I love, and I'm not being all that successful. As Charlie Brown says when he goes trick-or-treating, "I got a rock."
Saint Marty is getting a little tired of having his world rocked all the time. He wants to be geode-ed every once in a while.
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