April 8: Getting You Down, Pig-Pen, Cloud of Darkness

How do you deal with a depressed robot? . . .

Zaphod leaped out of his seat.

"She's not asking you to enjoy it," he shouted, "just do it, will you?"

"All right," said Marvin, like the tolling of a great cracked bell, "I'll do it."

"Good . . ." snapped Zaphod, "great . . . thank you . . ."

Marvin turned and lifted his flat-topped triangular red eyes up toward him.

"I'm not getting you down at all, am I?" he said pathetically.

"No, no, Marvin," lilted Trillian, "that's just fine, really . . ."

"I wouldn't like to think I was getting you down."

Again, I totally get Marvin here, worrying about how his attitude is affecting the people around him.  I think about this all the time, with my family and friends and disciples.  Yes, I realize that my blog posts have been less than uplifting recently.  They're sometimes not fun to write, so I'm sure they're not all that fun to read.  I sort of feel like Pig-Pen from Peanuts, walking around with my own little cloud of darkness.

First day of work at my new job.  Showed up at 6 a.m. and scanned medical reports for an hour-and-a-half.  Believe it or not, that was the best part of the day.  I was by myself.  It was quiet.  Didn't have to worry about anybody interrupting me.  I think I liked it because it sort of felt a lot like the job I just left where I functioned independently for a good portion of the time.

After that, I answered phones for the next seven hours.  And there were a lot of calls.  A lot.  By the time I punched the time clock to leave, I had a pounding headache and hated the entire world.  After teaching this afternoon, I can say that my attitude has NOT improved much at all.  And I still have my evening class to get through.

Each time I've changed jobs in the last five years, I've gone through this rough period of adjustment.  However, this time it's been a little rougher because of the permanence of it.  By the end of next week, I will have settled into a new routine, and my attitude will probably improve.  At the moment, though, I feel a little . . . trapped.

If you see me in the next week or so, pay no attention to the storm clouds swirling around my head.  They are just outward manifestations of my inner joy.  Yeah, that's it.  I'm trapped in joy.

If Saint Marty says that enough times, it might come true.