January 8: Planet In the Vicinity of Betelgeuse, Mission Space, Fitting In

Mr. Prosser (Genghis Kahn descendant) is still trying to get Arthur Dent to move and allow the bulldozer to demolish Arthur's house.  Prosser is not providing a convincing argument . . .

"Mr. Dent," he said.

"Hello?  Yes?" said Arthur.

"Some factual information for you.  Have you any idea how much damage that bulldozer would suffer if I just let it roll straight over you?"

"How much?" said Arthur.

"None at all," said Mr. Prosser, and stormed off wondering why his brain was filled with a thousand hairy horsemen all shouting at him.


By a curious coincidence, "None at all" is exactly how much suspicion the ape-descendant Arthur Dent had that one of his closest friends was not descended from an ape, but was in fact from a small planet in the vicinity of Betelgeuse and not from Guildford as he usually claimed.

Arthur Dent had never, ever suspected this.

This friend of his had first arrived on the planet some fifteen Earth years previously, and he had worked hard to blend himself into Earth society--with, it must be said, some success.  For instance, he had spent those fifteen years pretending to be an out of work actor, which was plausible enough.

He had made one careless blunder though, because he had skimped a bit on his preparatory research.  The information he had gathered had led him to choose the name "Ford Prefect" as being nicely inconspicuous.  

He was not conspicuously tall, his features were striking but not conspicuously handsome.  His hair was wiry and gingerish and brushed backwards from the temples.  His skin seemed to be pulled backwards from the nose.  There was something very slightly odd about him, but it was difficult to say what it was.  Perhaps it was that his eyes didn't blink often enough and when you talked to him for any length of time your eyes began involuntarily to water on his behalf.  Perhaps it was that he smiled slightly too broadly and gave people the unnerving impression that he was about to go for their neck.  

He struck most of the friends he had made on Earth as an eccentric, but a harmless one--an unruly boozer with some oddish habits.  For instance he would often gatecrash university parties, get badly drunk and start making fun of any astrophysicist he could find till he got thrown out.

You do see a lot of Ford Prefects down here in Orlando.  People who simply look like they're from another planet.  Well, at least to this Midwesterner.  I do like to people watch, listen to odd conversations.  At Walt Disney World, you find yourself sharing rides, buses, and seats with all kinds of ape descendants.  (I make that statement as an ape descendant from the Upper Peninsula.  Therefore, I'm probably closely related to the Yeti.)

Yesterday started out leisurely.  Pool and hot tub time with my wife, daughter, and son.  Then it was off to EPCOT Center for some Fast Passes.  (For those ape descendants reading this who've never been to Disney, Fast Passes are virtual reserved tickets that allow a party to skip the 90-minute lines and get on the ride immediately.  Or almost immediately.)  So, we started with a lovely boat ride called Living With the Land, which is a meandering float through botanical and fishing gardens.  After that, we went on a little ride called Soarin'.  It's a virtual plane ride around the world, and it's beautiful. 

Then, it was Mission Space.

Let me tell you about Mission Space.  It is a ride that simulates a space flight with the use of a centrifuge.  That's right.  They put you in a centrifuge and spin you to simulate the g-force of a rocket launch.  It was a serious mistake on my part to go on this ride.  As soon as the launch began, I was in a cold sweat.  I won't get into the gory details, but let's just say that, by the time we landed on Mars, I was probably looking like a sweaty green space man with a blood sugar of about 57.  Long story short, I will not be volunteering for any space missions in the future.

After that fiasco, we headed over to Journey Into Imagination, which was exactly what the doctor ordered.  A slow ride with cartoons and animatronics.  I was feeling much better about myself after that ride.  And then came Test Track--a high-speed ride in a "futuristic" car.  I was still a little green from being launched toward Mars, so this ride didn't help things much.

Thank God everyone was hungry after that.  We headed to the World Showcase and ate in Italy.  Delicious pasta and meats and breads, served by a lovely young woman from Italy.  My son loved it, and my daughter was able to order her favorite--chicken fettuccine Alfredo.  We rounded out the night watching the American Adventure and then Illuminations, EPCOT's fireworks/laser show.

You know, as a kid, I often dreamed that I was an alien, dropped off on this planet by mistake.  I never really fit in with the other boys and girls.  Wanted to read instead of play kickball.  Write and draw in notebooks instead of go to dances or football games.  Down here, in this tropical January weather, I'm surrounded by other people from outer space who aren't ashamed of wearing weird shirts and hats with mouse ears on them.  I fit right in.

Maybe Saint Mary is from a planet near Betelgeuse.