October 19: Pollyanna-ish, Poet of the Week, Mary Oliver, "I Go Down to the Shore," Adventures of Stickman

My wife seems to think that I have been a little . . . dark in my posts of late.  I have not noticed.  Sure, I've been talking a lot about money problems and work problems.  Yeah, I'm still struggling with the loss of my sister.  Then there's the hole in my kitchen ceiling, and the fact that I'm getting about four hours of sleep every night.  Aside from that, I think that I'm a pretty friggin' positive person.

Okay, maybe I haven't been Pollyanna-ish this last month or so.  I have been struggling to find balance in my life.  At the medical office (where I spend the majority of my days), I'm paid to be positive and helpful for patients.  I have been faking it for a long time, but I find it exhausting now.  When I get home at night, I don't feel like smiling or talking or laughing.  I feel like sleeping.

So, my wife has challenged me to write about four things for which I'm thankful every day in November (the month of Thanksgiving).  I have to say that I'm not excited by the idea.  It sounds a little too Oprah for me.  But I will do it.

I do have something to be thankful for tonight, even if it's not November yet.  Last Thursday, a good friend of mine dropped off a Saint Marty's Day gift for me--Mary Oliver's collection of poems A Thousand Mornings.  I was completely taken by surprise, and I have been finding great solace in the poems.

So, even though she has already been chosen once before, Mary Oliver is Saint Marty's Poet of the Week.  She has a way of putting things into perspective.  The world is a very big place, and human struggle, for the most part, is very tiny in comparison:

I Go Down to the Shore

by:  Mary Oliver

I go down to the shore in the morning
and depending on the hour the waves
are rolling in or moving out,
and I say, oh, I am miserable,
what shall--
what should I do?  And the sea says
in its lovely voice:
Excuse me, I have work to do.

So, I am going to strive to be more positive in my posts.  For example, I'm positive that I'm going to be completely exhausted tomorrow morning when the alarm goes off if I don't get to bed right now.  Hey, it's a start.

Since it's Ives dip Monday, I am obliged to ask a question:

Am I being too negative?

The answer:

...She had friends, female teachers, who'd been spit at, had been "flashed," had their teeth knocked out by students they'd tried to discipline, had cigarette butts put out in their hair, friends who had been raped under stairwells...

Well, that certainly puts things into perspective.  The world really is a shitty place, at least according to Ives.

Saint Marty gives thanks he hasn't had his teeth knocked out by any of his students.

Adventures of STICKMAN