August 10: Losing Again

I'm beginning to think nobody reads these evening posts.  For the last four or five days, I've had no views of my night-time blogs.  That's fine.  I'm used to writing stuff in a vacuum, without having any kind of response.  Perhaps the night-time posts have been a little boring.  Maybe whiny.  Lacking in some way.

Tonight will be no different.  I checked my university e-mail a few hours ago, not even thinking about the poetry contest I entered a few months ago.  Really, the thing I was thinking about was an order from Amazon I needed to make.  Well, there was a message from the book press that sponsors the contest.  The message said it all in the memo line: Esteemed poet Xavier NoTalent names Jamie Mediocre's "Sucking Ass" Winner of the Pretentious Poetry Prize.  Yes, names and titles have been changed to protect the innocent.

I am not angry or jealous.  I'd pretty much given up hope of winning this contest.  However, that little e-mail sort of took the wind out of my sails.  I don't feel like doing a whole lot of anything now.  I'm going to wallow for a few hours.  In fact, I'm going to take the gold medal in wallowing tonight.  Even the Chinese aren't going to beat me.

I know there are a lot of really good poets out there.  I know that a lot of really good poets entered this competition.  I know that some really good poets never win contests or awards.  I know all that.  It still doesn't take the sting out of that e-mail.  Some days, being a poet sucks.

Saint Marty needs to go turn off the lights and sit in a dark room for a while.

Nothing to write home about