Poet...Musician...Thinker...Blogger...Teacher...Husband...Father...I'm not perfect, but I try!
Sunday, September 3, 2023
September 3: "Rain," Joseph, 13 Ways of Looking at Joseph
Wednesday, June 7, 2023
June 7: "When the Roses Speak, I Pay Attention," My Friend, Petals and Thorns
Roses are red
And ready for plucking,
You're sixteen,
And ready for high school.
In Oliver's poem, there's a huge difference between what the roses say versus what emotion their scent evokes. Rose words are filled with darkness, pride, and envy. Rose scents are occasions for joy. The dichotomy is sort of striking, but also in keeping with the actual flower, which has supple, red petals and biting thorns.
I had a long conversation with a close friend today. This friend has been struggling a great deal in the last month or so. It's not my place to tell my friend's story, and I won't. But I will say it involves someone my friend loves very much who is currently suffering from severe mental illness. My friend is in rough shape, shuttling between despair and anger and frustration and devotion.
Faithful disciples of this blog know that I have a lot of experience dealing with mental illness in people I love. I understand what my friend is going through, have experienced many of the same feelings over the years. I wanted to give my friend some hope or solace today, but I know too much of the reality of mental health.
I told my friend, "The most important thing to do right now is to remember to take care of yourself."
I know that sounds like pretty selfish advice, but the wrecking ball that is mental illness can destroy everything in its path. My friend needs to practice selfcare, or else my friend will end up in pieces. I've been there. I know.
Roses can make your day spin with joy, or they can leave you bleeding and in pain. Love can do the same, and my friend is learning this lesson right now. I'm not saying everyone should shut off their hearts to avoid sorrow and pain. I'm saying that if you love, you have to be prepared for petals and thorns.
Saint Marty has the scars to prove it.
Sunday, June 4, 2023
June 4: "Self-Portrait," Grace Safaris, My Friend
Friday, February 22, 2019
February 22: A Bit Squalid, Packing up and Throwing Out, My Friend
Ford and Arthur stared around them.
"Well, what do you think?" said Ford.
"It's a bit squalid, isn't it?"
Spent my work day at the medical office with one of my best friends/coworkers, packing up and throwing out all kinds of shit. It wasn't my idea of an inspiring day, and, when we were done, the whole place did look a little squalid. Judge for yourself . . .
There's really no other way to describe the scene. It looked like move-in or move-out day at a college dorm.

The only thing that saved me from resorting to an overdose of sleeping pills or M&Ms was my friend. She kept it funny and light, even when I wanted to ball into a fetal position in one of the shred bins. Yes, I still feel like I'm tossing out my sister's legacy. Yes, every time I came across something with her handwriting on it or in it, I wanted to hide it, keep it safe, stash it in the walls, draw a treasure map to it. I didn't. I threw away, with the help of my friend, who was also one of my sister's best friends, as well, so it didn't seem quite as bad. If I had been weeding and tossing with a person who had never met my sister, I don't think it would have gone as well for me.
But my friend knew my sister. Loved my sister. Helped her through the last days of her life. It was good to have her by my side today.
Saint Marty is so lucky to have such a wonderful person in his life.
Wednesday, April 18, 2018
April 18: Ahab Sitting Alone, My Friend, Saint Anthony and Bigfoot Angels
I leave a white and turbid wake; pale waters, paler cheeks, where'er I sail. The envious billows sidelong swell to whelm my track; let them; but first I pass.
Yonder, by ever-brimming goblet's rim, the warm waves blush like wine. The gold brow plumbs the blue. The diver sun- slow dived from noon- goes down; my soul mounts up! she wearies with her endless hill. Is, then, the crown too heavy that I wear? this Iron Crown of Lombardy. Yet is it bright with many a gem; I the wearer, see not its far flashings; but darkly feel that I wear that, that dazzlingly confounds. 'Tis iron- that I know- not gold. 'Tis split, too- that I feel; the jagged edge galls me so, my brain seems to beat against the solid metal; aye, steel skull, mine; the sort that needs no helmet in the most brain-battering fight!
Dry heat upon my brow? Oh! time was, when as the sunrise nobly spurred me, so the sunset soothed. No more. This lovely light, it lights not me; all loveliness is anguish to me, since I can ne'er enjoy. Gifted with the high perception, I lack the low, enjoying power; damned, most subtly and most malignantly! damned in the midst of Paradise! Good night-good night! (waving his hand, he moves from the window.)
'Twas not so hard a task. I thought to find one stubborn, at the least; but my one cogged circle fits into all their various wheels, and they revolve. Or, if you will, like so many ant-hills of powder, they all stand before me; and I their match. Oh, hard! that to fire others, the match itself must needs be wasting! What I've dared, I've willed; and what I've willed, I'll do! They think me mad- Starbuck does; but I'm demoniac, I am madness maddened! That wild madness that's only calm to comprehend itself! The prophecy was that I should be dismembered; and- Aye! I lost this leg. I now prophesy that I will dismember my dismemberer. Now, then, be the prophet and the fulfiller one. That's more than ye, ye great gods, ever were. I laugh and hoot at ye, ye cricket-players, ye pugilists, ye deaf Burkes and blinded Bendigoes! I will not say as schoolboys do to bullies- Take some one of your own size; don't pommel me! No, ye've knocked me down, and I am up again; but ye have run and hidden. Come forth from behind your cotton bags! I have no long gun to reach ye. Come, Ahab's compliments to ye; come and see if ye can swerve me. Swerve me? ye cannot swerve me, else ye swerve yourselves! man has ye there. Swerve me? The path to my fixed purpose is laid with iron rails, whereon my soul is grooved to run. Over unsounded gorges, through the rifled hearts of mountains, under torrents' beds, unerringly I rush! Naught's an obstacle, naught's an angle to the iron way!
It is three o'clock in the afternoon at the moment as I sit here typing these words. I'm almost at the end of my work day. One class to teach. Ahab, at the end of a long day, is sitting at the windows in his cabin, contemplating the setting sun, knowing full well that he is not just mad--he is madness maddened. Driven to the edges of sanity by his need to dismember his dismemberer. Ahab is on a straight path to Moby Dick, without swerving.
It's a strange little chapter. Suddenly, Ishmael sinks into the background, and Melville, the omniscient narrator, takes over, stepping into Ahab's head. Giving the reader a glimpse of the depth of his psychosis. In some ways, it reads like a blog post. Ahab is in his cabin, watching the sun sink into the ocean, tapping away at his laptop. The name of his blog is probably something like, "My Lost Leg" or "Hunting the Spouting Satan" or "Vengeance and Grog."
My post this evening is simpler and more joyful. My friend, who received bad news from Mayo Clinic earlier this week, spoke with her doctor in Green Bay today who told her that she had nothing to worry about. A simple surgery to remove the problem from her body. My friend is over the moon ecstatic. She has gone from drawing up a bucket list to planning a trip to a Bigfoot convention.
I want to thank anybody and everybody who sent up positive thoughts/prayers/energy for my friend this past week. Last night, as I was badgering my favorite saint, Anthony, I told him that my friend needed a miracle. A bona fide miracle. No messing around. This afternoon, Saint Anthony came through. The news was a bolt of joyful lightning in my phone.
So, while Ahab is contemplating death and dismemberment at sundown, I am sending praise and thank yous to the stars. Life is so strange. A seeming death sentence at the beginning of the week. A hurricane of healing this midweek day. I'm reminded of the story of the lepers cured by Christ in the Bible. When they discover they are cured, they run away from Jesus, dancing and singing. Only one of the lepers returns to thank Him.
Tonight, I am thanking Saint Anthony and the host of Bigfoot angels that I've sent pounding on heaven's doors these last few days.
Saint Marty is a believer. Miracles do happen.
Wednesday, March 28, 2018
March 28: "Assemblage of Ruined Plane Parts, Vietnam Military Museum, Hanoi," Paisley Rekdal, My Friend
Parts, Vietnam Military
Museum, Hanoi
by: Paisley Rekdal
My eye climbs a row of spoilers soldered
into ailerons, cracked bay doors haphazarded
into windows where every rivet bleeds
contrails of rust. An hour ago, the doctor's wand
waved across my chest and I watched blood
on a small screen get back-sucked
into my weakened heart. It's grown a hole
I have to monitor: one torn flap
shuddering an infinite ellipses of gray stars
back and forth. You're the writer, the doctor said
in French. Tell me what you see. Easier to stand
in a courtyard full of tourists scrying shapes
from this titanic Rorschach. Here's a pump stub
shaped like a hand; something called,
cavernously fluted as a lobster's
abdomen. How much work
it must have taken to drag these bits
out of pits of flame, from lake beds
and rice paddies, and stack them in layers:
the French planes heaped beneath
the American ones, while the Englishwoman
beside me peers into this mess
of metals, trying to isolate one image
from the rest. Ski boot buckle
or tire pump, she muses at me, fossilized
shark's jaw, clothespin, wasp nest?
According to the camera, it's just a picture
changing with each angle, relic
turned to ribcage, chrome flesh
to animal: all the mortal details
enumerated, neutered. I watch her trace
an aluminum sheet torched across a thrust
as if wind had tossed a silk scarf
over a face. If she pulled it back, would I find
a body foreign as my own entombed
in here, a thousand dog tags
jangling in the dark? I tilt my head: the vision slides
once more past me, each plane reassembling
then breaking apart. Spikes of grief--
or is it fury?--throb across the surface.
Everything has a rip in it, a hole, a tear, the dim sounds
of something struggling to pry open
death's cracked fuselage. White sparks,
iron trails. My heart rustles
in its manila folder. How the doctor smiled
at the images I fed him: Stone towers,
a flock of backlit swallows--
Now I kneel beside a cross
of blades on which the Englishwoman
tries to focus. Do you thing I'll get it
all in the shot? She calls as she steps back.
Steps back and back. Something like a knife sheath.
Something like a saint's skull. The sky
floats past, horizon sucked into it. She won't.
_____________________________
I love this poem because it speaks to human wreckage. To people struggling with health issues. It challenges me to try to put a name or image to all the burned out planes and cars and loves of my life.
I have a friend who was diagnosed with breast cancer a while ago. She's had surgery and is undergoing chemo. Now, something is wrong with her eyes. Her doctors think it's some kind of infection (viral or fungal). She's lost the vision in one eye. A day or so ago, she woke up to find the vision in her other eye hazed over. She had another surgery today.
In a blog post she wrote a couple days ago, she said she was frightened. She's beating cancer, but her cure may cause her to go blind.
This is what I think that poem is about. Trying to name the unnameable. Sorting out the wreckage.
Say some prayers for Saint Marty's friend tonight.






