But he seems calm, he thought, and following his plan. But what is his plan, he thought. And what is mine? Mine I must improvise to his because of his great size. If he will jump I can kill him. But he stays down forever. Then I will stay down with him forever.
He rubbed the cramped hand against his trousers and tried to gentle the fingers. But it would not open. Maybe it will open with the sun, he thought. Maybe it will open when the strong raw tuna is digested. If I have to have it, I will open it, cost whatever it costs. But I do not want to open it now by force. Let it open by itself and come back of its own accord. After all I abused it much in the night when it was necessary to free and unite the various lines.
Sometimes, life doesn't cooperate with you. Santiago knows he has a huge fish on his line. He understands the physical needs of catching that fish. Yet, things aren't going his way. He hand is cramping. He's alone in the middle of the sea, without a whole lot of food or water to sustain him. If the title of this book was The Old Saint Marty and the Sea, Saint Marty would have cut the line about twelve hours before and paddled his way home.
But there is something to be said for sticking it out. Facing adversity and staring it down. Adversity comes in two varieties. First, there's the kind over which you have no control--the death of family members, natural disasters, health crises. Then there's the kind over which you have a little power--bad jobs, relationships, habits.
Today, there was little adversity in my life. I went to church this morning, and then I was on my couch most of the day, doing computer work and binging the series Normal People on Hulu. (It's based on the novel of the same title by Sally Rooney, and it is one of my favorite books of the last few years.) Sure, I got a little tired of staring at my laptop for hours, but that really isn't adversity. More like a necessary evil in my life.
After five or so hours, I was hungry and tired. So I made dinner for my son and myself. Pizza for him. Leftover chicken for me. In the evening, I led a poetry workshop on odes. Lots of my poet friends showed up, and it was a lovely time of laughter and love.
If none of this sounds very exciting, you are right. It was a quiet day without any drama. And I enjoyed every second of it. Adversity isn't all it's cracked up to be. Yes, there's the old saying that pressure creates diamonds. That may be true. But pressure can also shatter windows and cause your car tire to blowout.
I don't get many days like this. My life is usually a series of panic attacks interspersed with poetry and music. Don't get me wrong. I like being in the thick of things with creative people, planning out ways to bring more beauty and joy into the world. However, days of deep breath are very healing and restorative for my restless mind and spirit.
Don't worry. Tomorrow, I will be back to my neurotic rants.
But tonight, Saint Marty is all about getting in touch with his inner nap.
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