September 4: Emergency, Difficult Decisions, Miracles

Emergency alarms are sounding . . .

"Emergency!  Emergency!" blared the klaxons throughout Magrathea.  "Hostile ship has landed on planet.  Armed intruders in section SA.  Defense stations, defense stations!"

Sometimes, emergencies can be huge--armed intruders.  Sometimes emergencies can be small--tomato sauce on your favorite shirt.  Nonetheless, when something bad happens or is about to happen, it can seem overwhelming.  Like the end of the world.  Some emergencies are simply out of our control.  Hurricanes, tornadoes, blizzards.  And some emergencies--personal, private emergencies--force us to make difficult decisions with lasting implications.

I am not a person who rushes things.  I tend to ruminate.  Brood.  Dwell.  If I'm faced with a difficult decision, I prefer to take my time and think about it.  A lot.  I have been thinking about a certain decision a lot recently.  (No, I will not go into detail about this decision.  Suffice to say, it's a difficult decision that is causing me sleepless nights.)  It's a decision I do not want to make, but, over the last few weeks/months, I've been slowly backed into it.

I hate being in my current position.  No matter what choice I make, it will be painful, and I will feel like the bad guy for a very long time.  I don't like being the bad guy.  I like being the loving guy.  The funny guy.  The guy you can count on, no matter what.  I want to be known, in the end, as a good friend, a good brother, a good son, a good father, and a good husband.  If I'm also known as a good poet, even better. 

I've been praying a lot.  Meditating a lot.  I'm not done praying and meditating.  I'm hoping to see some kind of miracle happen.  A good, happy miracle.  I believe in miracles, despite living in a pretty cynical world.  I have been the recipient of miracles, in just the last few weeks, thanks to people who love me.

So, here's to miracles and difficult decisions this evening.  Saint Marty is hoping that a miracle happens soon, so he doesn't have to make a difficult decision.

One of the biggest miracles in my life . . .