Showing posts with label Zuckerman's Swing. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Zuckerman's Swing. Show all posts

Friday, August 8, 2014

August 7: Zuckerman's Swing, Kid Paradise, I. O. U.

Mothers for miles around worried about Zuckerman's swing.  They feared some child would fall off.  But no child ever did.  Children almost always hang onto things tighter than their parents think they will.

Zuckerman's swing is basically a rope tied to a roof beam in the barn.  By modern safety standards, it sounds like a head injury waiting to happen, but Fern and Avery climb to the hayloft and launch themselves on the rope over and over without serious bodily harm.  E. B. White is correct.  Children do hang onto things tighter than parents expect.

The resort I'm at is a kid paradise.  It has a water park and candy shops and toy stores.  There are mountain bike trails and zip lines.  My daughter, son, and nephew have had a great day.  I have been dropped, swirled, and drowned in many a water slide and pool.  I have ridden a ski chair lift to the top of a mountain.  Twice.  I've seen magic shows.  Made s'mores.  Eaten so much pizza that I'm going to have indigestion for a week.  Like I said, kid paradise.

On Thursdays, I'm supposed to talk about the latest book I'm reading.  I had every intention of fulfilling this obligation.  I'm reading a great book-length essay about the giant squid (it's much better than that very brief, mundane description).  Unfortunately, my day in kid paradise has curtailed my plans to review this work.  Therefore, I'm giving you an I.O.U.  In the near future, I will be discussing Preparing the Ghost by Matthew Gavin Frank.

Saint Marty promises.

Hold on tight and don't scream!

Friday, May 30, 2014

May 30: Zuckerman's Swing, Fear, Fearful Fairy Tale

Mothers for miles around worried about Zuckerman's swing.  They feared some child would fall off.  But no child ever did.  Children almost always hang onto things tighter than their parents think they will.

Children are fearless.  Avery and Fern climb into their Uncle Zuckerman's hayloft and launch themselves into certain bodily harm on the barn's swing.  Yet, they embrace the danger.  They don't think about concussions or compound fractures or closed head injuries.  They think of the thrill of flying into the heavens and then back to earth.

As adults get older, they lose their sense of adventure.  Adults crave stability.  They want good jobs, healthy bank accounts, comfortable retirements.  I know, at my age, I wouldn't jump out of a perfectly good hayloft on a swing.  My health insurance isn't that good.  My idea of adventure now is drinking a regular Mountain Dew before bedtime.

Fear is something that creeps up on you.  As a kid, you believe everything is a playground.  As a teenager, you believe you're never going to die.  As a young adult, you believe the world is your oyster (pardon the cliche, please).  As an adult, you find out that you are really nothing special, and you fear the loss of love, job, income, home.  As an old person, you believe again that everything is a playground.  And then you die.

I'm in the fear stage of life, I think.  For instance, tonight, I fear that I will never write another good poem or publish another book.  That's just one of my fears.  I also fear that my son will grow up to be a bully.  That my daughter will choose to be an English major in college.  That mice will invade my house this summer.  Pick a fear card.  Any fear card.

Once upon a time, an accountant named Ernest lived in a village in the middle of the woods.  Nobody in the village had money.  They were too busy doing things like farming, logging, and getting small pox.  The villagers simply lived day-to-day.  No time for worry.

Ernest lived his life in fear.  He feared his bathrobe and his morning oatmeal.  He feared the king would increase the tax on horse manure.  He feared that nobody would ever embrace the concept of capitalism, and the entire kingdom would sink into a loving community where wealth was shared and healthcare was a right and not a privilege.

One night, Ernest went to bed in his cottage without blowing out his reading candle.  The candle tipped over while Ernest slept, setting the hay of his bed on fire.  Ernest awoke just in time to escape a fiery death, but his home burned to ashes.  Ernest had to move in with his brother, who sold horse manure as fertilizer.

Moral of the story:  fear is horse shit.

And Saint Marty lived happily ever after.

Don't forget to blow tonight...