January 29: Nothing Stupid, Below 20, "Low Blood Sugar"

Santiago drifts in the night . . . 

Once he stood up and urinated over the side of the skiff and looked at the stars and checked his course. The line showed like a phosphorescent streak in the water straight out from his shoulders. They were moving more slowly now and the glow of Havana was not so strong, so that he knew the current must be carrying them to the eastward. If I lose the glare of Havana we must be going more to the eastward, he thought. For if the fish's course held true I must see it for many more hours. I wonder how the baseball came out in the grand leagues today, he thought. It would be wonderful to do this with a radio. Then he thought, think of it always. Think of what you are doing. You must do nothing stupid.

It's late.  Santiago has been in the boat, on the sea, fighting a large fish, for several hours.  He's giving himself a pep talk.  The gist of his pep talk:  don't be stupid.

Last night, I did something stupid.  Usually, I test my blood sugar before I go to bed.  I forgot to do that.  And I woke up in my bed with two paramedics talking care of me.

My wife woke up around 3 a.m. and found me seizing because my blood sugar was below 20.  She called 911.  The pillows, sheet, and blankets were soaked in sweat.  My head was pounding.  Ears ringing.  My daughter and her boyfriend were in the living room, pacing and worried.  My puppy was whining in her crate.

I was stupid, which seems to be happening a lot recently.  The difference between this stupid and ordinary stupid--it almost killed me.

Saint Marty is still kickin'.  For now.

Low Blood Sugar

by:  Martin Achatz

for Penny

Sitting down for Thanksgiving dinner,

My father always says the same thing:

"I could eat the asshole of a skunk raw."

He fasts all day, saving room for turkey and pie,

But he doesn't know real hunger,

Low blood sugar hunger.  He doesn't understand

When I talk about hunger so deep

I could gnaw my arm down to bone, suck

The marrow like a teenage boy's first sex,

How and quick and devouring.

Imagine a thirst so thick your tongue

Swells the size of a watermelon

You can't slice open, pink meat

You can't caress in your mouth.

Imagine waking up next to your lover

At midnight, wanting to touch her 

As she moans your name in her sleep.

Now imagine you have no hands.

Penny knows low blood sugar.

Last week, as she drove home,

Her pickup spun.  She watched

Earth become heaven.

Heaven become earth.

She didn't feel her leg splinter,

Teeth break, tongue mushroom blood.

She knew only longing,

The hungry darkness coming,

Reaching out, like a handless lover.