January 10: At Sea, Danez Smith, "last summer of innocence"

I'm still a little at sea emotionally about the news of the death of my friend's son.  Don't know how to approach it, except through poetry. 

You'll forgive Saint Marty if he doesn't find something to be thankful for tonight.

last summer of innocence

by:  Danez Smith

there was Noella who knew i was sweet
but cared enough to bother with me

that summer when nobody died
except for boys from other schools

but not us, for which our mothers
lifted his holy name & even let us skip

some Sundays to go to the park
or be where we had no business being

talking to girls who had no interest
in us, who flocked to their new hips

dumb birds we were, nectar high
& singing all around them, preening

waves all day, white beater & our best
basketball shorts, the flyest shoes

our mamas could buy hot, line-up fresh
from someone's porch, someone's uncle

cutting heads round the corner cutting
eyes at the mothers of girls i pretended

to praise.  i showed off for girls
but stared at my stupid, boney crew.

i knew the word for what i was
but couldn't think it.  i played football

& believed its salvation, its antidote.
when Noella n 'nem didn't come out

& instead we turned our attention
to our wild legs, narrow arms & pig skin

i spent all day in my brother's arms
& wanted that to be forever--

boy after boy after boy after boy
pulling me down into the dirt.