I think that I put too much stress on myself to have perfection I want my kids to receive everything on their Santa lists. I want to bake dozens of beautiful sugar cookies. Write a beautiful Christmas letter. Peace and love and joy.
Most of the time, Christmas is just a mess, full of joys and disappointments. There's less of the Christ child, more of the manure pile.
Saint Marty needs to listen to a little more Bing Crosby.
Christmas, 1970
by: Sandra M. Castillo
We assemble the silver tree,
our translated lives,
its luminous branches,
numbered to fit into its body.
place its metallic roots
to decorate our first Christmas.
Mother finds herself
opening, closing the Red Cross box
she will carry into 1976
like an unwanted door prize,
a timepiece, a stubborn fact,
an emblem of exile measuring our days,
marked by the moment of our departure,
our lives no longer arranged.
Somewhere,
there is a photograph,
a Polaroid Mother cannot remember was ever taken:
I am sitting under Tia Tere’s Christmas tree,
her first apartment in this, our new world:
my sisters by my side,
I wear a white dress, black boots,
an eight-year-old’s resignation;
Mae and Mitzy, age four,
wear red and white snowflake sweaters and identical smiles,
on this, our first Christmas,
away from ourselves.
The future unreal, unmade,
Mother will cry into the new year
with Lidia and Emerito,
our elderly downstairs neighbors,
who realize what we are too young to understand:
Even a map cannot show you
the way back to a place
that no longer exists.
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