August 29: Over My Head, Maggie Nelson, "Any One Bead"

79.  For just because one loves blue does not mean that one wants to spend one's life in a world made of it.  "Life is a train of moods like a string of beads, and as we pass through them they prove to be many-colored lenses which paint the world their own hue, and each shows only what lies in its focus," wrote Emerson.  To find oneself trapped in any one bead, no matter what its hue, can be deadly.
                         ---from Bluets by Maggie Nelson 

 I sometimes spend way too much time in one bead.  This morning, I just wanted to pull the blanket over my head and stay in bed for the rest of the day.  I didn't feel like facing anything--work, school, teaching, breakfast, lunch, dinner, the sun, the stars.  The warmth and darkness of my bed was much more attractive than the alternatives.

I forced myself to get up.  I always do.  Now, I have been awake for over 15 hours, and I have another three or four hours ahead of me.  Tomorrow night, I teach my night class.  I'll be working from 6 a.m. until 10 p.m.

Saint Marty's bead is looking pretty tired.