March 28: Eels and Mantises, Pinned Down by Grasshoppers, Possibilites

Had this place always been so, and had I not known it?  There were blowings and flights, tossings and heaves up the air and down to grass.  Why didn't God let the animals in Eden name the man; why didn't I wrestle the grasshopper on my shoulder and pin him down till he called my name?  I was thistledown, and now I seemed to be grass, the receiver of grasshoppers and eels and mantises, grass, the windblown and final receiver.

I love the idea of Dillard pinning that grasshopper down, forcing him to scream out her name.  I don't know why this image appeals to me.  I'm not a big fan of grasshoppers.  Walking across summer fields, I've always been a little creeped out by the grasshoppers arcing into my legs.  But, there's something about the creatures of Eden naming the man--Adam at the mercy of the bear and anteater.

I often feel like I'm at the mercy of the world.  In Genesis, Adam names his world.  Mosquito.  Cougar.  Pigeon.  I'm sure he also named lightning and sagassum, cypress and larkspur.  Yet, it's the world that always calls the shots in my life.  My world.  Snowstorms.  Collapsing ceilings.  Supervisors and Department Heads.  Unlike Dillard, I'm a little tired of being pinned down by the grasshoppers of my life.

I am absolutely beat tonight, but I have work to do.  I used to be able to do schoolwork during my days.  Had Fridays off.  Was able to be more involved in my kids' lives.  Now, I have to miss my daughter's dance competitions, spend hours doing homework for an online class, endure sleepless nights wondering how I'm going to fix the hole in my kitchen ceiling.

I know that the world is complex, full of possibilities.  I can't control those possibilities.  I must submit to the grasshopper, calling out my name, telling me what and who I am.

Saint Marty still hates grasshoppers.

Mantis love