May 16: Generally Good Spirits, Key to a Happy Life, Ellen Bryant Voigt, Another Sonnet, New Cartoon

One of the kids would say that Robert [Ives' son] had showed up in generally good spirits around a quarter after four, a little late, and that they joked about the prospect of getting hired to record a theme song to a cartoon show about outer-space hounds from Japan in the new year, word that Ives had gotten them through a connection; that he walked in with a Sam Goody's shopping bag as well as another bag filled with different items, mainly paperback books.  Dressed too lightly for the cool day, he had worn a long black-hooded raincoat and a cap that he didn't like because it messed up his fine dark hair, brown penny loafers and galoshes, a Cardinal Spellman High School senior ring.  During the break he sat around with a couple of his friends in the choir room, showing them the 33rpm records he had bought as Christmas presents that afternoon, about fifteen albums in all.

Robert's last moments of life.  He's focused on the future--practicing for Christmas church services, talking about a paid singing job, showing off the Christmas presents he'd bought for his family.  And, of course, he's wearing his senior ring, marking an even bigger door opening to life beyond school, mother, father, and sister.  In less than an hour, he will be dead.

It's a sad paragraph about a young man, full of hope and excitement, not realizing how short and unfair life can sometimes be.  It's also a good paragraph to remember when I'm feeling upset about some inconvenience or disappointment in my life.  Really, all the struggles I face on a daily basis are pretty insignificant in the grand scheme of things.  My wife has a job that she really likes.  I have a few jobs that pay the bills, buy the food, and provide health insurance.  My kids are smart and healthy.  My life is pretty damn good.

Could it be better?  Of course.  Just because I have all of these blessings doesn't mean I can't try to make my life (and my family's life) better.  I would love to have a full-time teaching job.  I would love to publish another collection of poems.  I would love to move into a bigger house where I don't have to fight my daughter for bathroom time every night.  It's not wrong to desire something better.

What's wrong is walking around, being dissatisfied and unhappy every day of my life.  That's something I do a lot.  Right now, I'm sitting in McDonald's, having breakfast with my family.  It's a bright sunny morning.  We're not hungry, and it's going to be a beautiful day.  I need to revel in this time.  Like Robert, I'm not sure what's going to happen when I step outside of this restaurant.  I may have a wonderful day, or I may face some serious struggle.

I can't worry about the future.  It's unhealthy.  Not productive.  I need to simply give thanks for the dandelions on the grass outside.  The smell of French fries in the air.  The cold water I just drank.  That's the key to a truly happy life.

Saint Marty needs to use that key a little more.

from Ellen Bryant Voigt's Kyrie

What I remember best is my cousin's crow.
He found it, fed it, splinted its damaged wing,
and it came when he whistled it down, ate from his hand,
said, like a slow child, what he had said.
Emmett never used a leash or cage;
for a year it hulked in the big pine by the door
or in the windmill's metal scaffold, descending
for apple, a little grain, a little show.

Once God gave out free will, I get He was sorry.
So much had been invested in the bird,
the bird not understanding gratitude.
Well again, it turned up in the yard
from time to time, no longer smart or amusing,
no longer his, just another crow.

Confessions of Saint Marty