March 14: Saint Lazarus, Cat on the Roof, and Psalm 6

I used to fall apart completely when it came to huge life-changes, especially if they took me by surprise.  (Who am I kidding?  I still fall apart.)  I'm a person who needs a long time to adjust to any news.  Let me tell you a little story to illustrate my point.

A man was going on vacation for a couple weeks, and he asked his sister to take care of his pet cat.  After a few days, the man called his sister to see how things were going.

"Well," his sister said, "I hate to tell you this, but your cat ran out into the street and was hit by a car and killed."

The man was shocked.  He said, "You can't just blurt out news like that.  You have to prepare me for it."

"How?" his sister said.

"Well," the man said.  "First, tell me that my cat crawled out of the window and climbed onto the roof."

"OK," his sister said.

"Then," the man continued, "tell me that the cat's at the edge of the roof, and it looks like she's going to jump."

"I get it," his sister said.

"Next, tell me that the cat jumped off the roof and is seriously injured, that it doesn't look good."

"Sure," his sister said.

"Then tell me," the man said, "that you took the cat to the vet and the vet worked to save her life for hours, but it was too late.  The cat died."

"That is a better way of doing it," the sister agreed.

"Yes, it is," the man said.  "By the way, how's mom?"

His sister said, "Mom crawled out of the window and climbed onto the roof..."

That's a funny joke, but I'm a big believer in its principle.  No surprises.  Just a gradual, slow process of revelation.  Especially if the news is bad.  Of course, anybody who has been reading this blog in its various incarnations for any length of time will know that I consider any change, big or small, bad news.

My wife has been trying to prepare me for the fact that my daughter is reaching puberty.  This is something I don't particularly wish to hear or contemplate.  I prefer to think of her as perpetually six or seven and dependent on me for everything.  I know that is unrealistic and, possibly, psychologically damaging to my daughter, but it really works for me.

In the past, the worst things that have happened in my life have been sudden (finding out about my wife's sexual addiction, for instance).  There was no wife climbing out of the window and onto the roof.  The change was immediate and drastic.

Lazarus, the saint of the day, was an archbishop of Milan in the fifth century.  He didn't have a problem dealing with sudden or drastic change.  During his tenure as archbishop, he had to handle the violent invasion of the Ostrogoths.  Nobody told Lazarus that the Ostrogoths had climbed through the window and were on the roof.  He just dealt with the problem, quickly, efficiently.  With great faith.  He ordered "three days of fast with processions, litanies, and visits to various churches.  It worked, of course.  The Ostrogoths were defeated.

Maybe I can deal with change more positively, like Lazarus.  Prayer.  Fasting.  Maybe my daughter approaching puberty is a good thing...

Nope, that's not working for Saint Marty.  He prefers you start like this:  "Your daughter crawled out of the window and climbed onto the roof..."



The cat's on the roof, developing breasts!

Here's today's psalm, a little happier, a little lighter:

Psalm 6:  As the Deer

As the deer lopes through dark woods

So my soul chases the Lord, over

Birch, fallen and mossy, victim

Of June storms, wind, rain

Shaking its white trunk and limbs

Like God’s voice on the mountain

With Charlton Heston, deep as flood

Water.  Before dawn, the deer leaps

In fog, sure hoofs lifting, reaching

For the true path from tree to tree

To pool to boulder to gully,

Panting, thirsty for running water,

Life-changing water that saves,

Washes leather tongue with the taste

Of God, wild and sweet as raspberry.

The black river rises from forest,

Divides pine and maple in two,

As the heavens from earth, night from day,

Seas from land, beast from man

At the beginning of creation.

The deer bounds into the black river,

Into twin beams, the eyes of Yahweh.

Praise God for car insurance.