June 16: Shoots Like a Tree, Stuck in a Moment, Car Problems

I am not here yet; I can't shake that day on the interstate.  My mind branches and shoots like a tree.

Dillard is stuck in a moment when she was driving along the interstate.  She stopped at a gas station.  Petted a puppy.  As she did this, she watched sun and shadows pass over a ridge of mountains.  And she feels really alive, smaller and bigger than herself.  Metaphysically, she is Emerson's transparent eyeball, absorbing everything around her.

I'm sort of stuck in a moment today, as well.  I wasn't petting a puppy.  I wasn't watching the sun rise over Lake Superior.  I was on the phone with my wife, and she was telling me what the mechanic told her about my car. 

I have owned my Ford Freestyle for eight years.  My son grew up riding in it.  It has brought my daughter back and forth to dance class about 5,763 times.  I drove it to my brother's funeral.  I drove it to my sister's funeral.  I was going to give it to my daughter when she got her license.  I love this car.

Well, the mechanic's diagnosis is not promising.  Somewhere around two thousand dollars worth of repairs are needed.  The Freestyle is only worth about $2,500.  I face a difficult but necessary decision.  I have to get a new car.  This bothers me on several levels.  First, I have many memories attached to the vehicle.  Second, I just finished paying off the car loan about a year ago.  Third, I can't really afford to take on another monthly payment of any substantial amount.

That's the moment I'm stuck in.  By the way my wife and I figure it, we will be able to afford a small, four-door car.  Considering how much winter driving I do for work, I am not looking forward to downsizing.  I've owned a Geo Metro before.  It was a good car.  However, I didn't have two children at the time.

So, in a week or so, I will probably be saying goodbye to my Freestyle, trading it in for a vehicle that I will probably hate driving simply because it is not my Freestyle.  I try not to write about money problems and car problems because I know that I'm better off than probably 99% of the world's population.  I have two good jobs.  A home with a brand new roof (for which I'm still paying).  Food and clothing.  Good health.  I'm very blessed.

Saint Marty just wishes his car was a little more blessed.

August 8: Sight Grew Very Dim, Car Appointment, Climbing a Mountain

And now Scrooge looked no more attentively than ever, when the master of the house, having his daughter resting fondly on him, sat down with her and her mother at his own fireside; and when he thought that such another creature, quite as graceful and as full of promise, might have called him father; and been a spring-time in the haggard winter of his life, his sight grew very dim indeed.

Scrooge is looking at a young girl, the daughter of his former fiance.  He realizes that the child might have been his own if he had followed a different path in his life, and he grows melancholy and sad.  In the "haggard winter of his life," he has no such creature to brighten his days.

I've been really enjoying the time I've been having with my own children this week of vacation.  I love being with my son in the morning, even if he gets up a little too early.  I enjoy going for runs with my eleven-year-old daughter, even if she spends the rest of the day with her nose stuck to the screen of her new laptop computer.  While I don't think I'm in the haggard winter of my life, I do have creatures who make me happy and content.   My kids are the very best of what I have in my life.

This morning, I have an oil change appointment for my car.  I'm expecting the mechanic to tell me I need some very expensive repair on something.  He always tells me I need some very expensive repair.  The problem is, I can't afford a very expensive repair at the moment.  I'm going to have to wait until my paychecks start coming from the university in a week or so.  Then I can start taking care of some expenses I've been putting off for most of the summer.

While my car is being examined, my family and I are going to climb to the top of a local mountain.  We going to bring some snacks and spend some time at the summit, looking out at Lake Superior and eating.  It will be a good morning, and the time with my wife and kids will prepare me for the news I'm going to receive from the mechanic.  It will help me keep things in perspective.

My wife is in a good place with her addiction and bipolar.  My kids are healthy and happy.  Just that is enough to make my eyesight grow dim right now.

Saint Marty needs to remember always the bigger picture, the view from the mountain top.

I'm not Moses, but I have a good view

May 24: "Life of Pi," Head Gaskets, Being Pi

Book club tonight.  This month's read was Life of Pi by Yann Martel.  I've read it before.  It's one of my favorites.  I was hoping to reread it completely before our meeting tonight, but, of course, I didn't.

My wife came by the medical office where I work.  She took her car into a mechanic to see if the head gaskets needed to be replaced.  I was truly hoping this guy was going to tell us we could wait a little while.

Let me tell you the news in the way that Yann Martel's Pi would.

My wife went to the elephant house at the zoo to visit her elephant friend, Lotta Dough.  Lotta was sunning herself on the mock African savanna when my wife found her.

"Lotta," my wife called her.  "Do you think I need to buy this really expensive Angus beef to feed my family?  It costs almost $250 per pound."

Lotta lifted some grass to her mouth and chewed slowly.  "Well," she said, "you have to feed your family."

"Yes," my wife said, "but I could make do with this hamburger I found at Wal-Mart for $3.99 per pound."

"Well," said Lotta, swatting at a fly with her trunk, "you could buy the cheaper meat.  However, that meat has been known to cause sickness in children.  You'll probably end up at the hospital, giving money to doctors."

My wife still didn't want to buy the Angus beef.  "But it will cost me $1600 to feed everyone with the Angus."

Lotta rolled on her back.  She was getting hot.  "Look, I know it will be expensive, but if you buy the cheap meat, you eventually will get sick.  Buy the good meat and enjoy it.  That's what the lion would do."

My wife watched as Lotta created a load of dung under a tree.  As she listened to the garden hose of Lotta's urine driving into the dirt, my wife realized Lotta's elephantine wisdom was indisputable.  She would have to buy the Angus.

After Lotta was done with her toiletries, she looked at my wife.  "My dear, as the hyena once told me, 'even if you have fleas, you gotta laugh.'"

"What does that mean?"  My wife called after Lotta, who was heading off in search of shade.

"Don't ask me," Lotta said.  "Hyenas are stupid."

So, that's the animal story.  The human story is less entertaining and a little more depressing.

The mechanic told us we needed to get the head gaskets and timing belt fixed on my wife's Subaru.  It's going to cost $1600, and we can't really put it off without doing serious damage to the vehicle.  All I can do is laugh.  Just when I think we're in pretty good shape, financially, some stupid, necessary expense crops up.

Pi would ask you which of the two versions of the story is more interesting.

Frankly, Saint Marty thinks both versions pretty much suck.

You can't aruge with Lotta