Showing posts with label Julia Child. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Julia Child. Show all posts

Friday, March 8, 2024

March 8: "Henry Wadsworth Longfellow," International Women's Day, Laughter

Caution:  Emily Dickinson allusion ahead!

Billy Collins on a Longfellow in the grass . . . 

Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

by:  Billy Collins

Trouble
was not
his middle name.



If you haven't noticed, I dislike people who take themselves too seriously.  Perhaps that's why Billy Collins' poems appeal to me so much.  He doesn't mind having fun.  Popping inflated egos.  Seeing the ridiculous and the sublime.  

Today was International Women's Day.  I've been around strong women my whole life.  My mother and sisters.  My beautiful wife and daughter.  Mentors and best friends.  The man sitting here tonight typing this post is a product of the women he's had the privilege to know and love.

One of the greatest lessons I've learned from these wonderful women is humor.  Women have to have senses of humor to deal with all the stupid shit men have done and do in this world.  Think about it.  The Cold War.  Healthcare.  World Hunger.  Climate change.  All the result of male ego, ignorance, and hostility.  

If women had been in charge, the Cuban Missile Crisis could have been solved over a couple Bloody Marys.  Universal health care in the United States?  No problem for a government run by Mother Teresa.  Put Greta Thunberg in charge of combatting climate change.  Julia Child could have ended world hunger decades ago.  And my mom could have stopped all of the insurrectionists on January 6 by just standing on the steps of the Capital with one of her wooden spoons.  

The world would be a much happier place if women were in charge.  There would be a lot more laughter and compassion, and a lot less name-calling and stick throwing. I believe this to the marrow of my bones.  (Of course, there are some exceptions--Marjorie Taylor Greene and Lauren Boebert come to mind.  And, let's be honest, Lindsey Graham.)  

So, for all the joy and love and support that the women in his life have given him, Saint Marty salutes you.



Saturday, May 12, 2018

May 12: Passionate Interest, Bigfoot, Alter Egos

Though, consumed with the hot fire of his purpose, Ahab in all his thoughts and actions ever had in view the ultimate capture of Moby Dick; though he seemed ready to sacrifice all mortal interests to that one passion; nevertheless it may have been that he was by nature and long habituation far too wedded to a fiery whaleman's ways, altogether to abandon the collateral prosecution of the voyage. Or at least if this were otherwise, there were not wanting other motives much more influential with him. It would be refining too much, perhaps, even considering his monomania, to hint that his vindictiveness towards the White Whale might have possibly extended itself in some degree to all sperm whales, and that the more monsters he slew by so much the more he multiplied the chances that each subsequently encountered whale would prove to be the hated one he hunted. But if such an hypothesis be indeed exceptionable, there were still additional considerations which, though not so strictly according with the wildness of his ruling passion, yet were by no means incapable of swaying him.

To accomplish his object Ahab must use tools; and of all tools used in the shadow of the moon, men are most apt to get out of order. He knew, for example, that however magnetic his ascendency in some respects was over Starbuck, yet that ascendency did not cover the complete spiritual man any more than mere corporeal superiority involves intellectual mastership; for to the purely spiritual, the intellectual but stand in sort of corporeal relation. Starbuck's body and Starbuck's coerced will were Ahab's, so long as Ahab kept his magnet at Starbuck's brain; still he knew that for all this the chief mate, in his soul, abhorred his captain's quest, and could he, would joyfully disintegrate himself from it, or even frustrate it. It might be that a long interval would elapse ere the White Whale was seen. During that long interval Starbuck would ever be apt to fall into open relapses of rebellion against his captain's leadership, unless some ordinary, prudential, circumstantial influences were brought to bear upon him. Not only that, but the subtle insanity of Ahab respecting Moby Dick was noways more significantly manifested than in his superlative sense and shrewdness in foreseeing that, for the present, the hunt should in some way be stripped of that strange imaginative impiousness which naturally invested it; that the full terror of the voyage must be kept withdrawn into the obscure background (for few men's courage is proof against protracted meditation unrelieved by action); that when they stood their long night watches, his officers and men must have some nearer things to think of than Moby Dick. For however eagerly and impetuously the savage crew had hailed the announcement of his quest; yet all sailors of all sorts are more or less capricious and unreliable- they live in the varying outer weather, and they inhale its fickleness- and when retained for any object remote and blank in the pursuit, however promissory of life and passion in the end, it is above all things requisite that temporary interests and employments should intervene and hold them healthily suspended for the final dash.

Nor was Ahab unmindful of another thing. In times of strong emotion mankind disdain all base considerations; but such times are evanescent. The permanent constitutional condition of the manufactured man, thought Ahab, is sordidness. Granting that the White Whale fully incites the hearts of this my savage crew, and playing round their savageness even breeds a certain generous knight-errantism in them, still, while for the love of it they give chase to Moby Dick, they must also have food for their more common, daily appetites. For even the high lifted and chivalric Crusaders of old times were not content to traverse two thousand miles of land to fight for their holy sepulchre, without committing burglaries, picking pockets, and gaining other pious perquisites by the way. Had they been strictly held to their one final and romantic object- that final and romantic object, too many would have turned from in disgust. I will not strip these men, thought Ahab, of all hopes of cash- aye, cash. They may scorn cash now; but let some months go by, and no perspective promise of it to them, and then this same quiescent cash all at once mutinying in them, this same cash would soon cashier Ahab.

Nor was there wanting still another precautionary motive more related to Ahab personally. Having impulsively, it is probable, and perhaps somewhat prematurely revealed the prime but private purpose of the Pequod's voyage, Ahab was now entirely conscious that, in so doing, he had indirectly laid himself open to the unanswerable charge of usurpation; and with perfect impunity, both moral and legal, his crew if so disposed, and to that end competent, could refuse all further obedience to him, and even violently wrest from him the command. From even the barely hinted imputation of usurpation, and the possible consequences of such a suppressed impression gaining ground, Ahab must of course have been most anxious to protect himself. That protection could only consist in his own predominating brain and heart and hand, backed by a heedful, closely calculating attention to every minute atmospheric influence which it was possible for his crew to be subjected to.

For all these reasons then, and others perhaps too analytic to be verbally developed here, Ahab plainly saw that he must still in a good degree continue true to the natural, nominal purpose of the Pequod's voyage; observe all customary usages; and not only that, but force himself to evince all his well known passionate interest in the general pursuit of his profession.

Be all this as it may, his voice was now often heard hailing the three mastheads and admonishing them to keep a bright look-out, and not omit reporting even a porpoise. This vigilance was not long without reward.

Here's Ahab pondering how to keep his crew from mutiny.  A few chapters ago, he showed his hand.  The crew saw him in all of his monomaniacal glory.  He whipped all his men into a frenzy, convincing them of the importance of hunting Moby from the Pacific to the Atlantic to the Arctic.  Now, however, he must somehow sustain their loyalty during the long, tedious days at sea.  Therefore, Ahab must put on his mask again, become a whaling captain again instead of the Great Avenger.  He's like a crazy Superman putting back on his Clark Kent glasses.

I think we all do this every day of our lives.  We hide our particular quirks and weirdnesses as we go to work or church or school.  We do this to avoid strange looks and ostracism.  We want to fit in, be accepted and liked.  So we all become Clark Kent or Diana Prince.  Hide our capes underneath coats and tee-shirts.

For example, I have been writing Bigfoot poems for a couple years now.  I've become a little obsessed with all things Bigfoot.  I own several Bigfoot tee-shirts.  Listen to a podcast called Sasquatch Chronicles all the time.  My sister went for a trip downstate yesterday.  On her way back, she passed through a town that had a huge statue of Bigfoot outside of a store.  I'm now planning to visit the town to take a picture of the statue.  If there were Bigfoot vacation packages, I might even consider booking a weekend in Bigfoot country (although I sort of live in Bigfoot country--many documented sightings in the Upper Peninsula).

I am open to the possibility of the existence of Bigfoot.  In my writing, I use the big hairy guy as a metaphor for the big things in life--love, loss, grief, joy, isolation.  However, it wouldn't surprise me if, eventually, it's proven that there is an unknown species of primates or apes living in the United States.  If Donald Trump can be President of the United States, anything is possible.

Now, I don't go around talking about Bigfoot all day long.  Then I risk the possibility of becoming an Ahab.  No, I keep Bigfoot under wraps, only drag him out on special occasions--poetry readings and workshops, birthday parties, and Mother's Day.  Other than that, I'm Peter Parker, cub reporter for The Daily Bugle.  I don't go out into the woods to howl at the midnight moon or tree knock with a baseball bat.

The important thing is that I DO let Bigfoot out every once in a while.  I think every person needs to do that.  If your alter ego is Julia Child, you should cook octopus in the kitchen every once in a while.  If your alter ego is Robin Hood, you should shoot some arrows occasionally.  And if your alter ego is Donald Trump, you should seek therapy.

Saint Marty is thankful today for Bigfoot.


Tuesday, April 17, 2012

April 17: The Phantom, More Bad News, Gloom

The Phantom slowly, gravely, silently approached.  When it came near him, Scrooge bent down upon his knee; for in the very air through which this Spirit moved it seemed to scatter gloom and mystery.

I think you can all guess which spirit the above passage describes.  Yesterday's rejection fest didn't end when I got home.  I got a call from a friend shortly after I walked through the door, and she told me I didn't win an award for which I was nominated.  I've been nominated for the same award several times in the past.  Each time, I have lost to a very deserving person, and this year is no different.  However, I really didn't need to receive that news last night.  It just managed to spread a pall over the rest of the evening.  This morning, I am Dickens' Phantom, scattering gloom wherever my ass happens to land.

I never begrudge deserving people success.  I may joke and complain about it, but, in the end, I can suck it up and admit defeat graciously.  However, I really thought I had a shot this year.  Meryl Streep won an Oscar a couple months ago.  The year 2013 was supposed to be my Iron Lady year.  Me and Meryl, taking home the gold.  Now, I'm just sitting in the audience, listening to another person's acceptance speech.

I hope I don't sound bitter and angry.  I hope I sound witty and sarcastic.  It's a more attractive persona.  Perhaps next year, I will deliver a stronger performance.  Perhaps next year, I could play Julia Child or Margaret Thatcher.

This year, Saint Marty has to watch Kathy Bates win for Misery.

I'm smiling and clapping in my seat

Sunday, March 7, 2010

March 5, 6, 7: Saints Among Us


Let me apologize for not posting anything for the last few days. I worked at a local soup kitchen for the homeless. I went door-to-door collecting donations for Haitian earthquake relief. I spent three hours every night in contemplation and prayer. Okay, not really. I actually took Friday off work, went grocery shopping, and took in the newest Martin Scorsese flick with a friend at which I consumed an obscene amount of buttered popcorn and a box of Buncha Crunch, washing it down with two gallons of Diet Pepsi. I can honestly say that I did nothing that even came close to self-sacrificing, holy, or saint-like for the last three days.

I often wonder if being around a saint is any fun. I mean, all it would be is "God this" and "God that," "Jesus this" and "Jesus that." I don't think saints can really just chill. I doubt Mother Teresa ever ate a Cheeto in her life. (I know she's not a saint yet, but, let's face it, it's just a matter of time.) Of course, for the price of a bag of Cheetos, she could probably have bought enough rice to feed a small, African village. That's the reality of being a saint. It's not just a 40 hour per week job. There's no down time. If I'd taken Francis of Assisi to see Shutter Island on Friday, I bet he would have slipped behind the theater with my bag of popcorn and fed some hungry sparrows and squirrels. (I always picture Saint Francis sort of like Disney's Snow White, the animals flocking to him as he steps outdoors, a chubby cartoon bluebird sitting on his shoulder and singing in his ear.) Inviting a saint to your house for dinner would be like asking Julia Child over for pork rinds and a bottle of Pabst. There'd always be an element of not measuring up, no matter what the social situation.

Think of the job description for a saint:

WANTED: Man or woman willing to become monk, nun, bishop, priest, social activist, missionary, teacher, or hermit. Must be available at all times to answer calls. Must work weekends and holidays. No overtime. Life of poverty and deprivation a definite possibility. Working conditions may be hazardous, even fatal. Martyrdom or lengthy,painful, lingering illness (tuberculosis, stomach cancer, stroke, etc.) almost assured. If interested, apply in prayer and wait. Interviews may be immediate (if a visionary) or after death.


Doesn't sound like a position that would get many applicants, does it? The whole martyrdom thing turns off my sixteen-year-old nephew. After reading some of the Lives of the Saints, he has determined that sainthood too often involves being burned at the stake, drowned, dismembered, or torn to shreds by wild bears. He'd much rather just play Halo.

I'm sure saints have senses of humor. I'm sure they have favorite foods (unless they survive on communion bread and wine, in which case they cross over into Olsen twin territory). Saints are human beings, just like me, just like you, just like Jesus. We all have to eat. We all have to sleep. We all have to shit. (That's right, people. Jesus wept, but Jesus also crapped. It just didn't make the top ten Gospel moments.)

I'm sure you're wondering where I'm headed with this little meditation. I started this entire blog because I want the calm and joy that comes with having the faith of a saint. If I wake up tomorrow morning and find out I have stage four lymphoma, I want to be able to smile and say, "It's God's will." (For the record, if I find myself in that situation, I'd prefer to be one of those saint who experiences a miraculous healing and goes on to live to the age of 103.) But I know that I'm not made of that kind of mettle. I'm more of the roll-into-a-fetal-position-and-cry in-the-corner mettle.

For the most part, what you read about saints is all miracles and halos. They pray, and famines end. The preach, and pagans convert. That's all fine and dandy, but it doesn't give me any hope that I stand a chance of being Saint Martin of the Snuggie (yes, I own one and use it nightly). Perfection is not an easy standard to live up to. I need saints who are messy, who fuck up some. I need saints who make me laugh, who might have told a dirty joke once in a while. I need saints who walk among us, not above us.

Basically, I need saints who shit.