July 12: Frozen, One Position, Fairy Tale Friday

"Who's ignoring it?  Nobody's ignoring it!"  Horwitz said.  He got so damn excited and all, I was afraid he was going to drive the cab right into a lamppost or something.  "They live right in the goddam ice.  It's their nature, for Chrissake.  They get frozen right in one position for the whole winter."

Horwitz, Holden's cab driver, has a lot of opinions.  In the passage above, he's talking about the fish in the lagoon in Central Park and what he thinks happens to them when the lagoon freezes over.  The fish freeze in one position for the entire winter, according to Horwitz.

It's quite a little metaphor.  A creature stuck in one place, surviving on the same food, air, water for months and months.  Horwitz doesn't find anything remarkable in this.  It's just their nature, what they were built to do.  Of course, Horwitz is full of it, bullshitting the great bullshitter, Holden Caulfield.  But, Horwitz also touches on something that appeals to me:  the idea that a creature can live and thrive in one single situation, one environment, for a long time.

I like sameness.  I like constancy.  I'm not Indiana Jones.  I don't go out looking for adventure.  In fact, I avoid change at all costs, especially change that makes me uncomfortable or threatens my day-to-day routines.  I know I can't avoid it.  Change happens.  People die.  Jobs are outsourced, eliminated.  Money disappears.  Children are born.  However, I prefer to be a fish, frozen in the lagoon for winter.  That's what I want.  There's an admirable self-sufficiency in the image.

I owe you a fairy tale tonight, don't I?

Well, once upon a time, there lived a man named Oscar.  He lived on the edge of a small lake.  He got everything he needed from the lake.  He got fish for food, collected driftwood for fuel.  He thatched his roof with dried seaweed.  And he never strayed from his little piece of the world.

During the winter, the lake froze over.  Oscar would go out onto the ice and look down, staring at the world beneath his feet.  One December night, as he was standing on the ice in the middle of the lake, Oscar saw a bright star.  He whispered at the heavens, "I wish I could be a fish and live in this lake for the rest of my life."

He immediately was transformed into a rainbow trout.  He flopped around on the ice until he froze to death.

Moral of the story:  Don't walk on a frozen lake.  It's dangerous.

And Saint Marty lived happily ever after.

This could be you

January 22: Mother Nature, Horwitz, Saint Timothy

..."Listen," he said.  "If you was a fish, Mother Nature'd take care of you, wouldn't she?  Right?  You don't think them fish just die when it gets to be winter, do ya?"

This little tidbit of wisdom comes from a cabdriver named Horwitz.  Holden asks Horwitz about the fate of the ducks in the lagoon in Central Park, and Horwitz replies with the story of the fish frozen solid in the water all winter long, absorbing nutrition through their open pores.  Mother Nature takes care of her children, according to the cabbie.

Speaking of winter and cold, it is frigid to the point of dangerous today in the Upper Peninsula.  All the schools are closed, including the university.  The wind chill this morning was -31 degrees.  Mother Nature might take care of her children, but she has the air conditioning set on high today.  Driving into work was pretty lonely.  There were only two or three other cars on the road.

Yes, I did go to work, despite a few trips to the bathroom last night.  I am feeling much better on this frozen Tuesday.  Mother Nature is taking care of me, or Saint Timothy.  Timothy's feast day is January 26, and he is the patron saint against stomach disorders.  Most of the information about Timothy is related to the Apostle Paul.  Timothy was a follower of Paul.  The Apostle sent the young man on many "difficult, confidential missions."  When Paul was thrown into prison in Rome, Timothy was with him.  Eventually, Timothy became the Bishop of Ephesus and was martyred in the winter of the year 97.

My book doesn't say why Timothy is the patron against stomach disorders, but Google gave me this answer:  "It may well be that Timothy had stomach ulcers or simply a weak stomach, and wine was considered to be a soothing remedy."  In a letter, Paul suggested that Timothy drink wine for his poor digestion.  (Paul sort of reminds me of Horwitz, dispensing wisdom to the young Timothy, no matter how misguided it is.)  Whatever the reason for Timothy's title, I could have used his help yesterday.  I spent so much time on the toilet that I think my ass is permanently shaped like an oval.  Even this morning, my stomach was not cooperating with me.  I had crackers and cheese for breakfast.  I had the same for lunch.  Things seem to be settling down now, thank God or Timothy or Mother Nature.

Maybe Saint Marty should pick up some wine for his next upset stomach.

Does he look old enough to drink?