May 9: Affectionate, Glad as Hell, Lou

"Holden!" she said right away.  She put her arms around my neck and all.  She's very affectionate.  I mean she's quite affectionate, for a child.  Sometimes she's even too affectionate.  I sort of gave her a kiss, and she said, "Whenja get home?"  She was glad as hell to see me.  You could tell.

I love reading about Holden and Phoebe, because the affection and love between them is palpable.  Even though they bicker through a good portion of their time together in Catcher, it's obvious they care about each other a great deal.   In fact, I think Phoebe saves Holden's life at the end of the book.

I saw my good friend, Lou, a little while ago.  She's the wife of another one of my good friends.  I haven't see Lou in a very long time, and we greeted each other like survivors of a prisoner of war camp.  Long hard hug.  A kiss.  As Holden might say, I was glad as hell to see her.

Lou is originally from South Africa, and she is one of the gentlest, kindest people I know.  She was working when I saw her, giving free chair massages at a health expo.  As she worked on my knots and kinks, we talked about her husband, the university, poetry, promotions, jobs, kids, spouses, and tenure.  In fifteen minutes.  Her husband teaches at the college, and he's working on his promotion/tenure materials.  Lou and I commiserated about the slightly toxic departmental politics at the moment.  We also commiserated over the fact that we hadn't seen each other for months.

When she was done massaging me, I felt loose, relaxed, and energized.  I also felt loved and respected and cared for.  I gave Lou another huge hug.  I promised to e-mail her, and we vowed to get together for a barbecue once the weather transitioned fully from winter to summer.

I don't always meet genuinely nice, sweet people every day.  Lou is one of the exceptions.  She made my day so much brighter.

And Saint Marty gives thanks for her.

Just a couple of good buds

February 28: Affectionate, Glad as Hell, Guilt and Love

"Holden!" she said right away.  She put her arms around my neck and all.  She's very affectionate.  I mean she's quite affectionate, for a child.  Sometimes she's even too affectionate.  I sort of gave her a kiss, and she said, "Whenja get home?"  She was glad as hell to see me.  You could tell.

Holden has a habit in the novel of repeating himself, adding intensity each time.  In the passage above, he's talking about his sister, Phoebe, and he says, first, that she's "affectionate."  Then he describes her as "quite affectionate."  The third time, he qualifies it even more:  Phoebe is "too affectionate."   It's almost as if Holden is apologizing for her affection.

Yesterday, I wasn't doing well with my father feelings.  I was guilty, worried about all the time I spend away from home, which is the majority of the day.  In short, I'm not convinced I'm doing that great of a job as a dad.

Yet, my son and daughter greet me like returning royalty when I walk through the door.  Yesterday, when I met my wife at Burger King, my son practically floated over to me because he was so happy.  And he always yells the same thing:  "Daddeeeeeeee!"   He wrapped his arms around my legs and wouldn't let go until I picked him up.  Talk about being affectionate.

Perhaps that proves I am doing something right as a father.  I'm not sure I'd get that kind of response if I were channeling Pappy Finn in my fathering techniques.  I may be going too hard on myself.  Of course, at the end of last night, I had to place my son on a time-out for slugging his sister in the face.  He threw himself on the floor and somehow managed to give himself quite a little scrape on his belly.  When I saw the injury, I was back in the father toilet for the rest of the night.

I think affection comes easily for kids like Phoebe and my son.  They aren't careful like adults.  Fatherhood is an exercise in extravagant child affection, guilt, and love.

Saint Marty has all of that and then some to spare.

Pappy gets it right sometimes...