May 8: Start of Surprise, Bad Surprises, Good Surprises

Ford is about to find out something unexpected . . .

"Er . . . what?" he [Ford] said.

"I said we've met." [said Arthur.]

Zaphod gave an awkward start of surprise and jabbed a gum sharply.

"Hey . . . er, have we?  Hey . . . er . . ."

Ford rounded on Arthur with an angry flash in his eyes.  Now he felt he was back on home ground he suddenly began to resent having lumbered himself with this ignorant primitive who knew as much about the affairs of the Galaxy as an Ilford-based gnat knew about life in Peking.

"What do you mean you've met?" he demanded.  "This is Zaphod Beeblebrox from Betelgeuse Five, you know, not bloody Martin Smith from Croydon."

"I don't care," said Arthur coldly.  "We've met, haven't we, Zaphod Beeblebrox--or should I say . . . Phil?"

"What!" shouted Ford.

"You'll have to remind me," said Zaphod.  "I've a terrible memory for species."

"It was at a party," pursued Arthur.

"Yeah, well, I doubt that," said Zaphod.

"Cool it, will you, Arthur!" demanded Ford.

Arthur would not be deterred.  "A party six months ago.  On Earth . . . England . . ."

Zaphod shook his head with a tight-lipped smile.

"London," insisted Arthur.  "Islington."

"Oh," said Zaphod with a guilty start, "that party."

This wasn't fair on Ford at all.  He looked backward and forward between Arthur and Zaphod.  "What?" he said to Zaphod.  "You don't mean to say you've been on that miserable little planet as well, do you?"

"No, of course not," said Zaphod breeziily.  "Well I may have just dropped in briefly, you know, on my way somewhere . . ."

Ford is a little surprised that Arthur, the most ordinary and boring human being that existed on the face of the Earth (before it was blown up by the Vogons) has met his two-headed cousin from Betelgeuse Five before.  Zaphod is equally surprised.  Or embarrassed.  Or guilty.  Take your pick. 

And tonight I am going to make the case again:  surprises are, generally, not great things.  They discombobulate.  Throw you off your game.  Put you in a tailspin.  In short, they suck.  Rarely have I been surprised by something or someone and enjoyed it.

But, let me provide a list of surprises that I have enjoyed in my lifetime:

1. My wife woke me up early one Friday morning and whisked me off to the airport for a weekend trip to New York City for some Broadway shows.
2. About a month later, we found out that my wife was pregnant with our daughter.
3. Eight years after that, we found out that my wife was pregnant with our son.
4. I received a letter from a publisher one Christmas Eve, telling me that she was going to publish my collection of poems.
5. Last October, my wife threw me a surprise birthday party at a local restaurant with all my family and friends.
6. I was named Poet Laureate of the Upper Peninsula.  Twice.
7. Just last week, I found out that I was teaching two film classes this fall semester.  

Like I said, there are such things as good surprises.  It's just that, in my experience, the bad surprises outnumber the good ones.

That's it.  That's all I got this evening.  This little exercise in positive thinking has been brought to you by my friend, Lydia, who called me tonight to remind me that she loved me.

Saint Marty is going to take a nap now.  Unexpected naps are good surprises, too.