April 11: Live Water, the Past, Sleeping Pill

Live water heals memories.  I look up the creek and here it comes, the future, being borne aloft as on a winding succession of laden trays.  You may wake and look from the window and breathe the real air, and say, with satisfaction or with longing, "This is it."  But if you look up the creek, if you look up the creek in any weather, your spirit fills, and you are saying, with an exulting rise of the lungs, "Here it comes!"

It's a baptism image.  Annie Dillard doesn't shy away from the God thing.  Granted, in this paragraph, she simply talks about "live water" healing memories.  I don't think that's too far off from the living water of the Bible that brings eternal life.  It's all about healing, physically and emotionally and spiritually.  That's why I chose Pilgrim at Tinker Creek as the blog book of the year.  It's all about looking forward instead of backward.

That's a difficult thing to do--letting go of the past, focusing on the future.  My daughter at the moment has two boys interested in her.  The first boy--the one who's been in the picture for about six months--is really having a difficult time with the situation.  He's feeling a little sidelined, sitting there and watching the girl he likes flirt with another boy.

Seeing this unfold, I found myself really sympathizing with my daughter's current boyfriend.  When my wife and I were separated, I found myself in a very similar situation.  Lost and rejected, I spent an entire year of my life sidelined, caring for our kindergarten-aged daughter and wondering what the hell happened.

The past has been haunting me these last few days.  I want to tell my daughter how much it hurts to have someone about whom you care deeply turn her back on you.  It's painful.  Gives you sleepless nights.  Makes you crazy.  I thought that I'd moved forward, left this moment of my life floating down the creek and around the bend.  Unfortunately, I've found that wound is still a little raw.

Now, my daughter is doing nothing wrong.  She's being a 15-year-old girl.  Neither of her boys are doing anything wrong.  They are being 15-year-old boys.  My wife and I have a strong marriage.  We just celebrated our twentieth anniversary last October.  No worries.

The past, however, has a way of sneaking up on you, and that's exactly what happened to me this weekend.  The single-father me has reappeared and given me a bad case of insomnia these last few nights.

Saint Marty may be taking a sleeping pill tonight with a glass of live water.

I don't mind spoilers--no surprises for me!