October 11: Eloise Klein Healy, "Asking About You," National Coming Out Day

Asking About You

by:  Eloise Klein Healy

Instead of having sex all the time I like to hold you and not get into some involved discussion of what life means. I want you to tell me something I don’t know about you. Something about the day before that photograph in which you’re standing on your head. I want to know about softball and the team picture. Why are you so little next to the others? Were you younger? Were you small as a girl? What I want most is to have been a girl with you and played on the opposite team so I could have liked you and competed against you at the same time.

_________________________

Today is National Coming Out Day.

I have seen some of my closest friends rejected by their families after coming out.  Have seen their pain.  I don't understand how anyone can hate people simply for being who they are.  Do you hate a pine tree for not being an apple tree?  Do you hate a blue jay for not being a cardinal?  The moon for not being the sun?

Tonight, I celebrate people who have the courage to be themselves.

Saint Marty thinks that's pretty miraculous.

February 11: Pope Benedict Resigns, Pope Bubba I, "Rye" Dip

This morning, Pope Benedict announced that he was resigning from the papacy, effective February 28.  That means that by Easter, there will be a new pontiff.

Of course, Benedict's announcement came as a huge surprise.  A pope hasn't resigned since the Middle Ages.  The press immediately connected the announcement to the priest sex abuse scandals that have been plaguing the Catholic Church.  However, that mess began before Joseph Ratzinger became Pope Benedict XVI.  Nope, I think the reason is much simpler.  As his official statement said, he noticed that his strength had deteriorated over recent months "to the extent that I have had to recognize my incapacity to adequately fulfill the ministry entrusted to me...For this reason, and well aware of the seriousness of this act, with full freedom I declare that I renounce the ministry of Bishop of Rome, Successor of Saint Peter."  To put it simply, he's getting old and tired.

Early this morning, I e-mailed my pastor friend in Roscommon with my decision, and now I'm going to make it official:  I'm declaring my intention to throw my name into the ring.  I intend to be the next Bishop of Rome.  I've even picked out my name:  Pope Bubba I.  Kinda catchy, I think.

Before you snort coffee through your nose, I must point out that the rules don't say you have to be a cardinal or archbishop or bishop to be elected pope.  You don't even have to be a priest.  You just have to be a practicing Catholic male in good standing.  The last time I checked, I meet those requirements.  I'm a Catholic; I go to mass; and I have a penis.

All kidding aside, I sort of admire Benedict for recognizing his diminishing capacity to fulfill the duties of the papal office.  While I'm more liberal in my theological thinking, I think the German Shepherd has done a lot of good in the seven years he's led the Church.

But now it's Pope Bubba's turn.

It is Monday, and so it's time for a Rye Dip.  My question for the Good Book of Salinger is fairly simple:

Will Pope Bubba be celebrating Easter in Vatican City this year?

And the answer from Holden Caulfield and co. is:

..."I expected to see a day-old infant in your arms.  Nowhere to turn.  Snowflakes in your eyelashes."  He's a very witty guy sometimes...

There you have it.  Saint Marty is a very witty guy, defying people's expectations.  Habemus Papam!

Long live Pope Bubba!