March 14: White Smoke, Habemus Papam, Frists

Yes, the papal conclave is at an end.  It concluded yesterday afternoon, around 2 p.m., with white smoke and lots of bells.  I missed the whole announcement and first blessing from the balcony of Saint Peter's Basilica.  I had to teach a class.

However, there's a new guy in white.  He is a cardinal from Argentina.  His name is Jorge Mario Bergoglio, and he's 76 years old.  That means he's only two years younger than Joseph Ratzinger when Ratzinger became Pope Benedict XVI.  Bergoglio is a Jesuit and the first non-European to become Bishop of Rome in over 1600 years.  He's also the first pope from the Americas.

The other first is the name Bergoglio chose:  Pope Francis, in honor of Saint Francis of Assisi.  Of course, everyone is speculating about his name choice.  It could reflect the new pontiff's dedication to battling poverty, since Saint Francis gave up all his worldly possessions and spent the rest of his life ministering to the Italian poor.  It could also reflect his determination to break away from the "old" way of doing things in the Vatican and plot a new course for the future.

Whatever ideology his name reflects, Pope Francis is both  a revolutionary and conservative.  For the reasons mentioned above, he's a revolutionary.  However, he is still pretty reserved in his theology, a product of the papacies and leadership of John Paul II and Benedict XVI.

I'm withholding judgement.  The guy's only been in office less than a day.  I'm going to give him time to figure out where the little pope's room is before I start criticizing or praising him.  In the mean time, "Habemus Papam!"  We have a pope.

And it ain't Pope Bubba I, aka Saint Marty.

The guy who beat me at the conclave

February 11: Pope Benedict Resigns, Pope Bubba I, "Rye" Dip

This morning, Pope Benedict announced that he was resigning from the papacy, effective February 28.  That means that by Easter, there will be a new pontiff.

Of course, Benedict's announcement came as a huge surprise.  A pope hasn't resigned since the Middle Ages.  The press immediately connected the announcement to the priest sex abuse scandals that have been plaguing the Catholic Church.  However, that mess began before Joseph Ratzinger became Pope Benedict XVI.  Nope, I think the reason is much simpler.  As his official statement said, he noticed that his strength had deteriorated over recent months "to the extent that I have had to recognize my incapacity to adequately fulfill the ministry entrusted to me...For this reason, and well aware of the seriousness of this act, with full freedom I declare that I renounce the ministry of Bishop of Rome, Successor of Saint Peter."  To put it simply, he's getting old and tired.

Early this morning, I e-mailed my pastor friend in Roscommon with my decision, and now I'm going to make it official:  I'm declaring my intention to throw my name into the ring.  I intend to be the next Bishop of Rome.  I've even picked out my name:  Pope Bubba I.  Kinda catchy, I think.

Before you snort coffee through your nose, I must point out that the rules don't say you have to be a cardinal or archbishop or bishop to be elected pope.  You don't even have to be a priest.  You just have to be a practicing Catholic male in good standing.  The last time I checked, I meet those requirements.  I'm a Catholic; I go to mass; and I have a penis.

All kidding aside, I sort of admire Benedict for recognizing his diminishing capacity to fulfill the duties of the papal office.  While I'm more liberal in my theological thinking, I think the German Shepherd has done a lot of good in the seven years he's led the Church.

But now it's Pope Bubba's turn.

It is Monday, and so it's time for a Rye Dip.  My question for the Good Book of Salinger is fairly simple:

Will Pope Bubba be celebrating Easter in Vatican City this year?

And the answer from Holden Caulfield and co. is:

..."I expected to see a day-old infant in your arms.  Nowhere to turn.  Snowflakes in your eyelashes."  He's a very witty guy sometimes...

There you have it.  Saint Marty is a very witty guy, defying people's expectations.  Habemus Papam!

Long live Pope Bubba!