I am not here yet; I can't shake that day on the interstate. My mind branches and shoots like a tree.
Dillard is stuck in a moment when she was driving along the interstate. She stopped at a gas station. Petted a puppy. As she did this, she watched sun and shadows pass over a ridge of mountains. And she feels really alive, smaller and bigger than herself. Metaphysically, she is Emerson's transparent eyeball, absorbing everything around her.
I'm sort of stuck in a moment today, as well. I wasn't petting a puppy. I wasn't watching the sun rise over Lake Superior. I was on the phone with my wife, and she was telling me what the mechanic told her about my car.
I have owned my Ford Freestyle for eight years. My son grew up riding in it. It has brought my daughter back and forth to dance class about 5,763 times. I drove it to my brother's funeral. I drove it to my sister's funeral. I was going to give it to my daughter when she got her license. I love this car.
Well, the mechanic's diagnosis is not promising. Somewhere around two thousand dollars worth of repairs are needed. The Freestyle is only worth about $2,500. I face a difficult but necessary decision. I have to get a new car. This bothers me on several levels. First, I have many memories attached to the vehicle. Second, I just finished paying off the car loan about a year ago. Third, I can't really afford to take on another monthly payment of any substantial amount.
That's the moment I'm stuck in. By the way my wife and I figure it, we will be able to afford a small, four-door car. Considering how much winter driving I do for work, I am not looking forward to downsizing. I've owned a Geo Metro before. It was a good car. However, I didn't have two children at the time.
So, in a week or so, I will probably be saying goodbye to my Freestyle, trading it in for a vehicle that I will probably hate driving simply because it is not my Freestyle. I try not to write about money problems and car problems because I know that I'm better off than probably 99% of the world's population. I have two good jobs. A home with a brand new roof (for which I'm still paying). Food and clothing. Good health. I'm very blessed.
Saint Marty just wishes his car was a little more blessed.