December 17: Christmas Panic Attack

Tonight, I had my annual holiday panic attack.  I realized that I am one week away from Christmas Eve.  I ordered a ton of presents from Amazon and made a gift list.  I even checked it twice.  I am tired and ready for bed.

As I was putting on my pajamas a few minutes ago, my wife asked, "When are we going to take the Christmas picture of the kids?"  I looked at her and said, "Are you trying to kill me?"

Tomorrow is my daughter's Christmas band concert, and I don't know if she's going to be well enough to participate in it.  She has strep throat and the stomach flu.  I'm convinced I will eventually become ill.  Too many germs floating around not enough hand washing.  I don't even want to touch the TV remote.

Saint Marty needs some rubber gloves and a Valium.

Time to press it!

December 17: Resentment, "Carol" Dip, Job

I have a confession:  there is a part of me that resents the fact that my wife is able to stay home and take care of our children.  I know she didn't choose to be pink slipped.  The day she lost her job, she called me, crying, and said, "I'm not sad about getting fired.  I'm sad about not being able to help you with money.  I know how hard you work."  All I think about right now is how to pay the next bill or buy the next Christmas present.

Since she joined the ranks of the unemployed, my wife has been visiting my son's classrooms and going to Bible study at church on Tuesdays.  She's catching up on the laundry, and dinner is usually made by the time I get home from work.  But, when my alarm goes off at 4 a.m. every morning and I have to drag myself out of bed, there's a part of me that gets a little bit angry.  I can't remember the last time I slept past 6:30 a.m.  I'm tired.  I was thinking of canceling my vacation at the beginning of January because I could earn a lot of overtime pay if I worked, but I can't bring myself to do it.  I am really looking forward to having two full weeks off.  Now, I feel guilty about my vacation.

I've said before that I know I'm lucky for having the jobs that I do.  Not many Americans have jobs that give them health insurance and paid time off and vision coverage.  Many people would kill for the kind of benefits that I have.  I'm lucky.  I'm blessed.  I'm grateful.  There, I've said all the things I should say.

But I'm still resentful and tired.  I don't want to get up at 4 a.m. for the rest of my working life.  I want a normal existence.  One job with decent hours and pay and benefits.  Of course, my choice would be to work for the university as a full-time instructor.  It's the one thing I do in my professional life that provides me with a sense of fulfillment.  I love being on campus and teaching.

I bet you can guess what my question for Carol dip Monday is going to be:

Will I get a full-time teaching job at the university this coming year?

And the answer (although I don't hold out too much hope) from Scrooge and company is:

...What's Christmas time to you but a time for paying bills without money; a time for finding yourself a year older, but not an hour richer; a time for balancing your books and having every item in 'em through a round dozen months presented dead against you?

Hmmmmm.  Paying bills without money.  Balancing my books and having every item for a year listed as a debt or liability.  Sounds pretty bleak.

Looks like Saint Marty's going to be setting his alarm to 4 a.m. for another year.

My least favorite time of day

December 16: Sick Kids, Christmas Decorating, Christmas Cantata, New Cartoon

This morning, at about 2 a.m., my son decided to vomit in his bed.  So, we got him cleaned up and his blankets and sheets changed.  He got back into his bed, and ten minutes later, he decided to vomit in his bed again.  At 2:30 a.m., we repeated sentence two of this post.  Then I took him to bed with me and spent the rest of the night being kicked and punched by a sleeping four-year-old.

When I went to pick up my daughter for church from Grandma's house, I found out that she had a sore throat.  I ended up being a solo act for Sunday School and worship this morning.  It was a crazy morning of rehearsals and organizing.  The lead singer of the praise band was ill, too.  We had to change one song, convert another into a cello/guitar solo, and re-orchestrate another.  Not fun.

My daughter now has white pus on her tonsils, and my son has thrown up again.  I am in the middle of an Ebola breakout.

Sunday, I'm supposed to write about one of my favorite things.  I was planning on talking about Christmas decorating, since I have to help put up my parents' Christmas tree this afternoon.  However, that has been delayed.  I do love decorating, although this holiday season seems like one continual exercise in garland and twinkle lights and tinsel.  I have been decorating various places (home, work, church) since the weekend after Halloween.  I don't want to talk about decorating today.

I want to talk about something I am going to attend tonight.  An annual Christmas concert at a Catholic Church one city over.  I have been going to these concerts for close to sixteen or seventeen years.  The choir is usually fifty or sixty voices strong, and the music is always gorgeous.  Before the actual cantata, the choir usually sings a few choral pieces that are in Latin or German or Old English. Those pieces are my favorite.  Complex and layered, with a hint of Gregorian chant.  It really puts me in the Christmas spirit.  And, considering the CDC is probably going to be breaking down my door soon and placing my entire family under quarantine, I need all the Christmas spirit I can get.

If you want to get in touch with Saint Marty tonight, go look for him at Saint Paul's Christmas cantata at 7 p.m.  He'll be the one weeping in a pew on the left-hand side of the church.

Confessions of Saint Marty

December 15: It's A Wonderful Movie

Nothing can beat George Bailey

I'd like to conduct an informal survey about Christmas movies.  This time of year, I am usually watching yuletide films nightly with my wife and kids.  So far, we've watched Elf twice, A Christmas Story once, a few movie adaptations of A Christmas Carol, and various TV specials like Frosty the Snowman and A Charlie Brown Christmas.

The final movie I watched with my Intro to Film class at the university is, in my opinion, the best Christmas movie ever made.  It's inspiring.  It makes me cry.  It stars Jimmy Stewart and Donna Reed.  That's right.  I'm talking about Frank Capra's It's a Wonderful Life.  My students loved it.

My informal survey is simple.  If you read this post, leave a message for me, telling me what you think the best Christmas movie ever made is.  You may be a White Christmas fan.  You may have a soft spot for National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation.  I myself could make a case for the French movie Joyeux Noel.  The title is up for grabs.  There may be a movie I haven't even considered.  For instance, the film Gremlins is set during the Christmas season.

Drop Saint Marty a line.  Let him know what Christmas movie warms your chestnuts.